I know how risky it is to love someone. And that’s the truth – love changes and sometimes it goes away. Never have I imagined losing someone while you’re still in love with them, but I guess it’s better than losing yourself while you’re in the process of losing them.
It happened so fast. How your lips left mine, how the thoughts of her instantly became something you just can’t get off of your mind. How her name, her entirety has changed everything between us. It happened really fast I was left unprepared. How your heart no longer beats in the same rhythm as mine, to think how fast your feelings will fade when every single day we were together, you claimed it was real.
And here’s the thing: You weren’t supposed to end up like the other guys. I was too terrified that one day you’ll just be another story to tell and yet – here you are. You weren’t supposed to be just another what if, another sigh, the split-second sadness or the half-smiles whenever our memories or what happened to us come up in between group conversations. I cannot say they were all for nothing because it meant so much more than you or anyone can imagine. I am still going to treasure every single memory as if it were only yesterday you became a big part of my life. And every time I show a hint of wishing for those little things back, my heart aches a little bit more than it should, because those things are never going to happen again. You put us there, and that is a decision you decided entirely on your own. I am not going to regret a choice so definite like the one you made. You are never going to come back, partly because I don’t know if I would still want to risk my heart so blatantly available for you to break again, but mostly because I know deep down you would never have the courage to.
In the end I know the feelings I have will soon change. I will meet someone who will make me feel so much more.
Someone who will give me the love you can’t fully offer. Someone who will make me laugh during the mornings I don’t want to wake up. Someone who will look at me – like I am the greatest thing that has ever happened to him and when that time comes, I know I’d finally understand why that someone won’t be you.
And just like how I am entirely drawn to endings, this is our sunset.
I hope the decisions you’ve made felt like you were just spreading your wings into flight. I hope you find time to look back at the smallest of things and remember how those made you feel. I hope you go to the places we’ve always dreamed about, somewhere calm. I may not be the best surprise you’ve ever had but love, I hope that whenever you look back all I ask is that you take a moment to remember the warmth of home I safely kept you in. I hope you she’ll tuck you safely in her arms because this time, I won’t be doing it anymore.