As women, we are under the impression that wedding day going to be the best day of our life. That it was magical. That it was every girl’s dream. And when you don’t feel like so, it’s like being crucified from the sisterhood, from the rest, from the majority, from what we think is normal. But guess what, some women are just not caught up in that scene, and it’s okay.
I don’t talk about marriage that much. I feel like know nothing about it. At some point of my life, I thought I would never get married, by choice. But now I’ve been married for more than a year. And I’m not going share about what marriage changes me per se or lecture you about what makes marriage works or not, all that shenanigans, I know nothing about. Maybe I’ll fall to that argument later, when I hit marriage years more than one. Or maybe I will never be that kind of person.
What’s bugging me is the fact that how, some women are under this kind of spell that makes them think that wedding day is miraculous. May be it will. Maybe it won’t. But it doesn’t have to be. I mean, if you’re up for it, making big effort and sacrifices for that one day, it’s cool. But you don’t have to. If you don’t want to, or just can’t, you don’t have to.
And after that, what happened if you feel that that one particular day was not special enough? Compare to all the crazy efforts, those tears, fights, hormones, and heartache in preparing ‘the most important day in your life.’ You know what, it’s okay. Maybe we’ve experienced greater moments than that ‘big day.’ Or maybe we just watch romantic comedy way too much and expect something that is just unrealistic. Read with me one more time: unrealistic.
I remember my best friend ask me in the evening after my wedding day, “You’re faking your smile a lot. Are you genuinely happy today?” She ask that because I’ve always been so cynical about all this particular ‘party.’ I replied to her, “I did. I really did.”
The fact is, even though I feel pressured to prepare the wedding party. I was not forced into the marriage. We were married because we’re in love.
I’m happy because I have spent a weird, awkward, and long day with the person that I tolerate most compare to all human being. I’m happy because it was not as scary as I thought it would be. But most of all I’m happy because finally, that day was over. All that hard work and stress in preparing for it is done. And I’m not the only one feeling that wedding day was not that fairy tale or movie ending material (and no body says it have to). Read here.
To be honest, I was really not into the reception itself. I did it because I have to. As an adult, sometimes we have to do what we have to do no matter what we feel about it. I understand it. You understand it. And I learned to accept that. What broke my heart is when I saw young women obsessed about this ‘one day party.’ Being head over heals in order to create the most magical day to make her feel special. Fixated on the teeny-tiny details about the dress, the bouquet, the souvenirs, all this and that.
And I can think of five or ten other moments of happiness beyond expectations more than that day. One of those was, the moment my husband proposed to me. Or the day I know that I got accepted to the university I’m applying to. Or the first time I finally afloat in my swimming class. Or the first time I lay my feet in foreign country. Or my first date with my husband. Our honeymoon. I can say that those are the happiest day of my life.
What I really want to say is, I’m not against marriage. You should if you want to. But you don’t have to. And I’m not against wedding reception. You should have it if you want to. You don’t have to be so fixated about it. But having experience it, darling, it’s not about all that detailed stuff. It’s not about the venue or the food. It’s not about the dress or the aisle.
More than anything, to love and to be loved, I think it’s magical enough. You should feel special enough.