It is okay to grieve. It is okay to let your sorrow soak your pillow at night with priceless tears. It is okay to wake up the next day feeling the weight of life on your shoulders, as getting out of bed may seem like an insurmountable task. It is okay to feel your heart scar so deeply that you think it may never recover again. Life is full of those moments where your pain can drown you in such darkness that light may seem as an unfamiliar memory. It is also full of other moments where you genuinely feel happy, grateful, and loved.
The idea is to feel every moment that passes you by with its highs and lows and to immerse your soul in your journey through life. I pray that you make the best out of those moments when your heart is sparkling with love and emerge stronger from the ones when your heart is shrinking from pain. The idea is to avoid letting sorrow drown you with apathy, because that is the moment when your life becomes just an act of existence, as apathy neutralizes your desire to feel. I find it very hard to imagine that this is the sort of life you have longed for.
Your life should be an act of living, and when you live, you experience, feel, and manifest a wide array of emotions. You come to appreciate your feelings towards the people in your life, the things that move you, and all the blessings that you have been bestowed. You develop an interest or a passion for what brings joy to your heart, because by letting yourself feel, you are learning about yourself, your heart, and your soul. You are learning what you need to do to polish those moments when your heart is beaming with joy. You are also learning how to reflect, grow, and prevail from those moments when you are taking sorrow with you to bed.
By letting yourself feel your life, you appreciate the presence of people in it. You appreciate being surrounded with humans of different characters and complexities, where each adds a certain flavor to your life or a dimension you are grateful for. You appreciate your grandma, who for more than 80 years has been a manifestation of how one shows love through giving without waiting for anything in return. You appreciate your widowed mother, who is the personification of strength and sacrifice, with an incredible capacity to love and cherish her offspring while navigating her way through life’s tests with admirable resilience. You appreciate your cousins, who have been more than siblings to you, thus making you feel like you have never really been an only child. You appreciate your aunt and uncle, who constantly remind you of how lucky you are to have another set of parents. You appreciate your friends, who teach you always that the concept of family is not merely confined to blood relationships. Maybe I am just talking about the people in my life, but you get my point.
Existing is breathing, but living is much more than that. It is literally feeling every moment that passes you by.