The Men I Date Are Kind Of Like Diet Soda

Seth Doyle
Seth Doyle

When I was 15, I made a conscientious decision to delete soda from my everyday diet. For as long as I could remember, it was my go-to beverage for a quick thirst quenching. The odd thing was, no matter the amount of Sprites, Mountain Dews or Coke Zeros I downed, my thirst was never truly quenched. All I was left with was the feeling of dissatisfaction accompanied by a sensation of a thicker coating of saliva across my tongue. Yucky.

All those empty calories, only to be left feeling…empty. So I quit.

I don’t know if it made a major difference in my health, because as an undisciplined 10th grader, I admit I did have my other dietary vices. But it still felt good to choose orange juice — or better yet, water — over those sugary carbonated drinks.

Those delicious yet ultimately unsatisfactory sodas are much like the men in my dating life.

I’ve made so many mistakes and wrong turns in the quest to find The One, and when you’ve had as many hiccups as I have, it gets a little exhausting.

So you stop for a brief moment. Parched. Drained. In desperate need of satisfaction. That’s when you glance up and see a tempting, ice-cold can of (insert your fave soda here). You reach for it. Down it in hopes of drowning out this immense thirst once and for all. It feels damn good sliding down your throat. Ahh, sweet relief.

Only…you find that you’re still wanting more. Your thirst remains unquenched. You feel ever-so-slightly deceived by that can which seemed to hold so much promise. “Maybe just one more. Yeah, that’ll do it.”

You keep drinking. You can slurp down all the cans of pop your heart desires, but it never feels as good as you think it should afterwards.

Unquenched thirst. Empty calories. Extra pounds on your waistline. And for what?

Those sodas are my men. My mistakes. I was seeking someone to satisfy my needs, my desires…someone to relinquish me from whatever was keeping me in a constant state of singledom.

I wanted companionship. So I reached for a cheap can. A cheap man. Full of empty calories. Empty promises. I wasn’t weighed down with any extra physical weight from my questionable dating choices, but I was certainly left with more baggage than I’d signed up for.

My biggest mistake? Reaching for an enticing can of liquid sugar when I should’ve opted for a drink that provided far more nourishment as opposed to the mere rush of temporary satisfaction.

As a teen, I decided soda added nothing to my overall health. As a woman, I’m making the decision, once again, to put down the empty promises, the empty calories. Life’s too short to get fat off of them.

Because my health, my body, my heart, my overall wellbeing, require more than just a cheap thrill to keep me satisfied. Hell, they deserve more.

So, I’m done with the men that promise the world and leave me with nothing but a bad taste in my mouth.

Because in terms of love, what I’m really seeking is something real.

Clear as water.

No additives.

Only pure.

I’m upping my dating game just as once upped my dietary game.

And I’m not stopping until I find the guy that’s worthy of quenching my thirst.

Empty calories. Who needs ‘em? Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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