When You Want To Have It All Figured Out

Flickr / Michael Coghlan
Flickr / Michael Coghlan

I think the problem is we live in a world where everyone acts like they need to prove something to everyone else. First, you need to show you have the best job. If you don’t have the best job that’s fine, but you have to at least show everyone that you make enough money at your shitty job to do whatever you want outside the job, to balance it out. Therefore, what you lack at the shitty job is made up for by all the amazing things you do when you aren’t at work. Here’s a picture of me at a concert. Here’s a picture of me at the beach. Here’s a picture of me doing the Rocky pose on top of a mountain. Perfect. Then, if you add in a significant other that’s obviously bonus points. Here’s me and my boyfriend apple picking, here’s me and my boyfriend tailgating at the football game, here’s me and my boyfriend in this photo laughing at each other that only took 14 tries to get. Perfect.

You walk around and the conversations you have with friends, and acquaintances, and coworkers are all the same. It’s the “Yes, well we are only living here temporarily because we are saving for a house right now,” and “I don’t plan for this job to be my career, it’s just a stepping stone, and I’m just here for now,” and “Yes, we will probably be engaged soon, we are just really focused on taking our time and not rushing.”

Why? Why does everyone feel they need to justify their life and their choices everyday? Why do you need to prove how happy you are and how you have it all together? Whatever you are doing in this moment, if it is actually what you want to be doing, then that IS enough. You don’t need to continue trying to prove it. I know we all do it, and certainly sometimes the intention is simply that you want to share a nice moment you had with the world, and truly do want to let people know your future plans. All I’m saying is try to notice when you are doing things because you want to, and when you are doing things because you are trying to make a statement.

No one, and I mean no one is happy all the time. No one has it all together, and the people who tell you they do, are lying. Life is hard and messy and ugly sometimes, and that’s OK. No I don’t recommend complaining via social media every time shit hits the fan a little bit. Please refrain. But what I think people need to realize is IT WILL BE OKAY. You don’t need to stick to a five-year plan or beat yourself up if life isn’t falling into place exactly how you imagined it would. And if everything DID fall into place and something still feels “missing” or imperfect, that’s okay too. You don’t need to keep comparing yourself to the people around who seem like everything in their lives is on target and working out perfectly. I see a lot of my friends, and myself too, looking around and getting overwhelmed that we’re somehow behind where we should be at this point in our lives. That maybe we should have more figured out.

Ask yourself this though, whatever you are “missing” in your life right now… is it even something you honestly want at this very moment? Is it something you are really ready for? Sure, a lot of things look good on paper (or on Facebook), but when you are really living them will they actually satisfy you? Are you really ready for marriage? Kids? A house? Do you really want to settle down and be in a serious relationship? Would you actually be happy and fulfilled in that super stressful 9-5 job? Your time, I am sure is coming, to have all the things you want, but maybe right now there are some other things you NEED to experience first. Even if you might not know what those things are right now. Life doesn’t always give you what you want, but many times it will sure as hell give you what you need. Maybe your life is just getting you ready so when these things happen nothing has been rushed or forced or occurred just for the sake of feeling like you needed to accomplish them to be on track with everyone else. Life happens on its own terms, not yours, and when it does maybe then it will be exactly how it should be. TC mark

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