1. Being called out on a hickey: I realize these are probably supposed to fade out of your life when Prom dresses do BUT whether you are 16 or 25 or 40 there is a humorous/“What the fuck is wrong with me” moment when a friend or coworker blows up your spot on last nights indiscretions.
2. Forgetting to take tags off of clothes you’re wearing: I am not sure if it’s that you suddenly feel like an idiot for not mastering the one small thing needed to happen after purchasing clothes OR for being called out on missing said step. Either way you feel like you really don’t have your shit together when that happens, not to mention people now knowing what size you’re wearing, that’s offensive in itself.
3. Spilling shit: It doesn’t matter what it is or where, in that moment, even if it’s brief, you instantly hate yourself.
4. Texting the wrong person: Bonus points if you end up awkwardly sexting the wrong person- really no explaining those.
5. Rear-ending someone: Not only is it uncomfortable for everyone involved, then there’s the whole “well now I guess I have to pay for this for the next seven years on my insurance” bit.
6. Drunkenly throwing up: It doesn’t matter how incapacitated you are before or after said throwing up, there is always that sheer moment of clarity mid-action where you realize you probably need to reevaluate your life choices.
7. Bad hair moments: Whether it is an awful haircut or a terrible dye job- pretty tough to escape when it’s stuck to your head.
8. Wardrobe dilemmas: Ripping the seam of your pants or my personal favorite, letting out a big laugh and your boobs busting the button off your shirt, lovely.
9. Bumping into your ex: You could leave your house looking good 98% of the time and the ONE time you step out in your sweats and unbrushed hair- there they are.
10. Foot in mouth moments: “Wow…so when are you due? Oh, you’re not?” Let me just go punch myself in the face real quick.
11. Being pulled over: If you are like me this happens fairly habitually, yet still always an inconvenience in my day.
12. Dropping your cell phone in the toilet, in a puddle, or the most traumatic; putting it through an entire wash cycle.
13. Calling someone by the wrong name: Good to know I’ve been calling you Mike for the last six months.
14. Any “morning after” moment that entails having to figure out where your belongings are OR who is next to you.