1. The Drunk Friend
Not drunk as in they are literally a “drunk” (do people even use that term anymore?) but the friend that you can call no matter the time and they will take shots with you when you need them to.
Sometimes its noon on a Sunday and you just need to throw back a few Kamikaze’s and call it a day. Sometimes life warrants that and you feel like less of an alcoholic when you have a buddy. Chances are this friend has a six pack on ice and they are just waiting for the call.
2. The Sympathetic Friend
They will listen to you whine about your relationship that ended three months ago. They will listen to you complain about the job you hate but both know you have no intentions of quitting.
They will do the sympathetic, seemingly non-judgemental but still thinking, “You’re kinda pathetic” head tilt as you rant about your first world problems – like how expensive your Iphone bill is or how you spilled wine on your new Coach bag. They should probably be up for Sainthood for not smothering you yet.
3. The Bitch Friend
Contrary to the sympathetic friend, this friend will just straight tell when you need to shut the fuck up. They will say the things you need to hear and there is no coddling of any sort. “He’s an asshole you’re better off without him.” “You better not be texting him.” “Shut up you’re not fat.” “Bitch, drink this”…Etc. Etc.
They will tell you when you have shit in your teeth, when your makeup is messed up, and when you need to walk away from the guy your drunk eyes are allowing you to give your number to. They will call you out on your bullshit and sure as hell will let you know when you’re wrong. This is Best Friend status and you can’t let that one go.
4. The Morally Sound Friend
This is the person you need to direct all of your important life questions to that determine whether you are being a psychopath or a skank. Questions such as: “It’s probably too early to sleep with him right?” “We probably shouldn’t like drive by his house right?” “Can I just punch her in the face?” “Are you sure I can’t just punch her in the face?”
There is a fine line between sane and totally off your rocker, you need a friend to lasso you back to reality when you’re teetering over the edge into “Fatal Attraction” status.
5.The Hot Mess Friend
Now if you are mentally scanning over your close friends and can’t seem to pinpoint who this is- there is a good chance it might be you. This friend is fun and loud and happy. They get lost meeting you at a location 15 minutes from their house, usually show up with some sort of makeup/food product stain on their dress from trying to multitask by eating or getting ready while driving.
They are up for anything and don’t get uncomfortable in awkward situations because their whole life is one big awkward situation. They are always there to cheer you up with a ridiculous story of an occurrence that just happened in their life (and there are many) and you leave every interaction with them feeling like, “Hey…my life really isn’t so bad.”