1. Drink tequila.
This is including but not limited to margaritas, tequila sunrises, tequila mixed drinks, and tequila shots (both in a glass or off someone’s body).
2. Talk about your exes in any grave detail.
You can confirm their existence but that is all. If your date compliments something you have on, do not say, “Oh my ex-boyfriend bought it for me.” If your date mentions their favorite music, band, movie, food, holiday, flower type, a Matthew McConaughey movie, DO NOT mention the exes similar affinity for said things, and certainly do not let that spiral into some sort of cutesy story about the time you and the ex were watching “How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days” together…it’s just bad for business.
3. Talk about their Exes in any grave detail.
What you may think is just taking a curious general interest in their past dating lives will come off as prying. Sure we would like to know if she was the crazy, psychotic, jealous one and he is still Prince Charming like we have imagined but there are smarter ways to come to these conclusions than interrogation tactics. Do the right thing and stalk them on Facebook like a normal girl.
4. Don’t wear giant heels.
He expected you on the date, not the Jolly Green Giant.
5. Show TOO much skin.
My mother always said, “You need to leave some things a mystery,” which I agree with to a point. However, I am absolutely PRO cleavage. Queen Beyonce is always right: “If you got it flaunt it,” BUT what you don’t want is a Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction over appetizers. Too much too soon.
6. Be a Bitch.
Don’t talk about how ugly the girls outfit across the bar is. Don’t threaten to smack a bitch in the bathroom line because she pushed by you. Do not mention your skanky ex-friend who you hate because she slept with your ex-boyfriend (that’s just a double shot in the foot). And certainly do not be rude to the waitress – tell tale sign your a huge bitch if you aren’t even nice to someone who could potentially spit in your food.
7. Act like you’re on a job interview.
Stop thinking so much. If you are nervous and awkward your date will then feel nervous and awkward. Relax. It is supposed to be a date not a strangers version of 20 questions.
8. Whine or Complain.
If your shoes made your feet hurt, if you have had to pee for two hours, if you have suffered 48 mosquito bites from what was meant to be a romantic outdoor stroll – you bitch out that anger via text to your best friend and spare the new guy the drama. Even if they are valid excuses to complain, it is going to come off as a red flag that this chick is a lot of work.
9. Use the “M” word.
This should go without saying but the quickest way to scare ANYONE away is to talk about marriage on a first date. Even if you are just generally speaking clearly the other person will think you are speaking in some sort of assbackwards way about them. Cut that sh*t out – it’s scary.
10. Have sex.
I realize you may be tempted. I realize you may have disregarded rule No. 1 and you are now on drink five and anything really seems like a good idea. If you like the guy and he likes you he will be back. Why take the chance giving it up on date one without seeing if he actually likes you or if he just likes the idea of sleeping with you.
In other words: “Don’t have sex, because you will get pregnant. And die. Don’t have sex in the missionary position, don’t have sex standing up, just don’t do it.”