It always starts off the same. It starts off new and adventurous. It starts off exciting. You don’t know what to expect because neither of you really know one another. For some reason, that’s the best part. It’s the getting to know one another and being whoever you want in the beginning for me. It’s the just wanting to be near that person and staying up talking all night long for me.
Take me back.
Take me back to the random house parties and stealing bottles of liquor. Take me back to falling in love for the very first time and soaking up every minute of it. Take me back to meaning the world to someone and creating that as the standard. Take me back to the awkward moment of losing my virginity. Take me back to days spent in Wrigley and trips to the Apple Orchard.
Take me back to the beginning.
Take me back so I can enjoy every moment of it again.
Take me back to the beginning before everything got so hard. Take me back to simply hooking up and us never really defining our relationship or what we were to one another. Take me back to the wild nights out. Take me back to forgetting who or what our problems were. Take me back to the calm before the storm. Take me back to the guy I thought you were, not the one I finally realized you would always be. Take me back to listening to my parents when they said you weren’t good enough for me. Take me back so that I could get out before it got rocky. Take me back so that I could walk away without learning this lesson the hard way. Take me back to not knowing what it felt like to constantly get cheated on and getting my heart broken. Take me back to life without heartbreak.
Waste of time.
Take me back to that random kiss at a concert. Take me back to not taking things or life so seriously and living in the moment. Take me back to receiving random texts throughout the day just to put a smile on my face. Take me back to constant sex and cuddling all night afterwards. Take me back to first realizing you were the male version of me. Take me back to you helping spread my father’s ashes and being there when I needed a shoulder to cry on. Take me back to always being there when I’d had a little too much to drink. Take me back to wanting you before I found out who you actually were. Take me back to simply having fun and not falling in love. Take me back to just listening to the rumors about you and not finding out they were true. Take me back to a life I once lived before I knew you existed.
Take me back to not loving you.
We never realize what people actually mean to us until after the fact. We never realize who these people were to us or why they were meant to exist in our lives. Some are meant to be firsts and others are meant to teach us lessons. Some are meant to hurt while others make us realize our worth.
Here’s to remembering the beginning, loving every bit of it, and having no regrets.