Love is rough, to say the least. There’s always one person who loves harder and therefore fears the other will decide they’re no longer in it anymore. If you’ve had your heart broken, you know firsthand that it can feel like your heart was quite literally ripped right out of your chest. It’s the can’t-breathe, work-up-a-fake-smile-all-day, don’t-ask-me-if-I’m-okay-or-I-might-burst-into-tears kind of hurt. All motivation has been lost. You can’t sleep and can barely eat.
Why do you allow this?
You’re not weak. You’re not following a stigma. You’re not afraid of being alone. You allowed this boy to come into your life at the most unexpected time. You spent most nights with half your clothes on, running through bars dancing and filling a hole where your heart used to be to find him. He wasn’t someone you even wanted at first. You were still healing from your previous break up. But he seemed genuine.
You made a promise. You promised yourself that you would never allow a boy to taint the way you view yourself. From here on out, you were going to aim to make yourself happy and that would be enough. You’d learn to be independent as hell and never need a man to make you happy ever again.
And this is where you fucked up. You heard all the rumors about him but still gave him the benefit of the doubt. You made excuses for his poor behavior and the way he treated you. I know, you’re feeling like a fucking idiot. But after two years, you finally took your blinders off. It took for him to do the absolute worse to you to really realize that what everyone was saying about him was true. You were there for him when he didn’t deserve it. He only claimed you when someone else was interested.
Sorry, but this isn’t a part time thing. You decided it was time to walk away. You finally decided that you were sick of the rollercoaster of emotions he was constantly making you feel and you moved on. You began having casual sex with someone he knew and may or may not have been friends with. The second he found out, he snapped. You were somehow a terrible person and he was saying the most disgusting things to you. He was making you feel like you cheated on him, but Y’ALL WERE NEVER TOGETHER (say it louder for the bitches in the back) and he never had a problem reminding you of that. His exact words were “take your attitude somewhere else.”
And so you did. When you did, you finally saw him for what he actually was. He was a stupid boy who made stupid decisions, and then blamed the world and everyone else around him for his shit luck. Sorry honey, but did you ever stop to think that maybe the fact that you’re a terrible person may be why karma is out to get you? Hm. I guess to build himself up so high, he had to take you and break you down.
He’s blocked and evidently seeing someone else. But you’re okay with that. When you’re done with your toys, you don’t mind donating to the less fortunate.
If you learned one thing, you learned this. You have been through hell and back. You have proven your strength over and over again. Your laugh is beyond contagious and you have females that look up to you. You are beyond important in this world and you will continue to be regardless of his view or his words. Your smile is the most important part of someone’s day. Don’t let a stupid boy with no real road to excel in life have you doubting yourself for one second.