RomanceBreaking Up

In Order To Love Yourself, You Needed To Hate Him

It’s no secret that we give in relationships. We give and we give without realizing how much we’re actually giving. Sometimes you give more than you’ve actually bargained for, and in the end, you’re left feeling empty. You gave so much to someone who constantly took and gave nothing in return. You gave and you gave, and after everything came to a crashing halt, you were left feeling smaller than ever.

Why did you do this?

You loved him. You loved him more than you loved yourself. You put up with terrible behavior and treatment because you hoped for change. You hoped that if you just kept giving and forgiving, he would see that you were worth loving. You do realize how insane that now sounds, right? You realize that you have always been worth loving, right?

You put up with years of abuse and cheating in hopes that he would change. Why though? Why was this the person who you were willing to give all of that to? Why was this the person that made your world stop? Why was this the person you chose? You’ll never know. You just know that you loved him and that love was not only unconditionally blind, but it was the definition of toxic.

You finally left.

When you left, you held nothing back. You decided that you should be worth more, and you made the ultimate decision to walk the fuck away. You did so, and you didn’t look back. You did so, and you made no apologies for how you chose to repair what he broke. You spent over a year having one-night stands and countless hookups. It’s not something you’re proud of, but it’s how you chose to fix what was going on. When you left, you were hurt, and you don’t hurt easily.

You realized something.

You realized that if you continued to be hung up on the good times that you had, you would continue to still hold that torch for him. If you continued to hold that torch for him, you were being disrespectful to yourself. You deserved better. You realized in order to love yourself, you needed to hate him. So, you did. You never wished harm on him and you still don’t.

He’s now just a closed chapter in your life.

He’s a distant thought that’s triggered by an old song.

He’s a memory that pops up on Facebook or Snapchat.

He’s just a guy that you used to fill your Instagram timeline with.

He’s just a guy.

You made the ultimate sacrifice for so many years. You sacrificed yourself and everything that made you, you. In walking away and deciding that he no longer mattered, you took pieces of yourself back. You took back each and every part of you every single day.

Be proud for becoming a better you. Be grateful you were able to get her back. Be happy that you love yourself and be happy that you were able to walk away. TC mark

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About the author
Indiana University. B.A. English. Follow Ashley on Instagram or read more articles from Ashley on Thought Catalog.

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