You’re at a point in your life where you’re one of the very few still left that aren’t married, aren’t in a long term relationship, or doesn’t have any children. Your friends tell you how envious they are of you for having the freedom that you have and sometimes you actually even believe it yourself.
Then there are the other times…
The times when you feel a little behind and you think that you’ve made every wrong decision any now you’re stuck in a rut. But you’re actually not. You were in a 6 year relationship that offered nothing but toxicity. You were unhappy and depressed to say the least, but you were so comfortable that you didn’t even notice. This was the person you planned on having the house, the kids, the marriage, and that life with.
You finally realized if you were going to survive and salvage some part of who you were, you needed to leave.
So you left. You left and you never looked back. Since you left, you’ve been experiencing EVERYTHING that life has to offer without the constant defeat of someone beating you and your spirit down. You look back at what was and what you almost had and you don’t have one single regret. If anything you’re grateful to him for being the piece of shit he was to you and you’re grateful to yourself for finally opening your eyes and noticing what everyone else had been telling you for years.
You’re grateful to him for never having his children, never buying that house with him, and never marrying him. Yeah, you feel like you wasted a whole 6 years, but those years weren’t at all wasted. You now know exactly what you’re willing to tolerate and what you’re not. You now know what warning signs to look for and what type of person you truly want those things with.
To my ex, I’m grateful to you being the best and worse damn decision I ever made. I’m grateful to you for treating me the absolute worse so that I’m now able to appreciate someone treating me kindly. I’m grateful to you for making me fight for myself instead of you. I’m grateful to you for making me realize that I matter. I’m grateful to you for helping me realize that loving someone does not mean making yourself smaller for them.
I’m grateful to you for so many things, but most of all, I’m grateful to you for finally letting me go.