Brett Young said it the best. “In case you didn’t know, baby I’m crazy about you.” They always think they know exactly how you feel, but they actually have no idea. If he stopped for one second to think about your feelings and everything you’re thinking, maybe he’d actually care. Maybe he’d actually prove what everyone else has to say about him wrong. Maybe he’d actually seem worth all of the tears, anxiety, and second guesses.
But he doesn’t.
You’ve allowed this “thing” to go on for months and months and you’re left in the exact same place you always are with him. You both started off as friends with benefits and along the road, things became more intense. You had nights where you just talked. You heard all about the things going on in his life and you shared yours as well. You two became connecting on a deeper level and you were finally able to see what all of your friends were talking about. You two are much more alike than either of you cared to admit.
“I do have feelings for you but…”
This is what you’ve wanted from him all along. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Either admit your feelings for me or let me go. He admitted his feelings and it was like Christmas, your birthday, and the fourth of July all in that moment. You were finally hearing what you’ve known to be true this entire time and then it was followed with a “but.”
You weren’t asking for some serious commitment or for him to claim you as his. You were asking him to admit his feelings for you and see what he was finally willing to do about them. You’ve been playing this game for almost 9 months and it always ends the same. He simply wants to be friends. That’s impossible at this point.
It’s impossible and you both know why. Your pull to one another is undeniable. Everyone in the room can feel it and most of the time they even comment on it. All of the attraction is there and it’s blatantly obvious. And this is why you can’t let go. This is what keeps you holding on. You end things and then two weeks later you restart things. The feelings are there and the connection is unreal.
But you finally can’t do it anymore.
After the last time of deciding to be friends, you take it seriously. You decide to try and move on, but little did you know it was just like all of the other times and now you’re the asshole for actually taking it seriously. You want him and only him. You see how complicated he is but still find him endearing. You know all of his faults, but still manage to only see his perfect quirks. When he looks at you, you begin to drown in his blue eyes. When he says your name, you go weak in the knees. You’ve kept how you truly feel about him to yourself, because you’re both stubborn as hell. But here is where that changes. Here is your public declaration of your love for him and he can either do something about it or you need to close your heart to him forever. Make a choice and stick with it.
So here it is. Here’s the bottom line. I love you and I’m no longer afraid to say it. Take me or let me go forever. Make this choice wisely. I can’t wait forever, nor will I.