To The Girl Who’s Sick of Feeling Like A Side Piece

woman walking on sidewalk near grey motorcycle at daytime
Nicola Fioravanti / Unsplash

We’ve all been there. You jump in not fully understanding what you’re actually getting yourself into. You tell him you’re on the same page about simply hooking up and you actually even believe it. But honey, the truth is, things are going to change. Even if you’re simply having sex, that’s an intimate act and if it becomes a regular thing, feelings are going to manifest.

The feelings aren’t the problem, he is.

The fact that you’ve developed feelings doesn’t somehow mean you’re changing the game or the terms of your original agreement, it just means your human. It means that you’ve allowed an intimate thing to affect more than just your body. The worst part is going to be expressing that to him and him not understanding. He becomes irritated by the fact that you have these feelings, and that right there is bullshit. You take your pants off for him, but holy shit if you have something to say about something he did that hurt your feelings. What kind of person would that make you if you simply didn’t let things affect you? That’s not someone worth spending any type of time with.

He leaves you feeling like you’re wrong though.

If he’s really good, he’ll even make you feel bad for letting your feelings get hurt in the first place. You’ll cave and end up sending a lengthy “I’m sorry” text, just to be ignored. Why do we do this? Why do we put ourselves in these situations? Why do we chose to give someone our body when they want nothing to do with our hearts? Why do we allow ourselves to be treated like their doormats over and over again?

It’s literally bullshit.

You’re left feeling like something is wrong with you. You’re left questioning if there’s qualities about you that aren’t redeemable. You’re left feeling as though you’re simply not dateable and that’s not fair. For the record, you never said you wanted him to court you by any means, but his respect should not be earned either. If you enter into a sexual relationship with someone, that respect should already be given.

If he’s not giving you the respect he owes you: WALK AWAY.

You shouldn’t have to fight for anything from a man. He should be just as invested in whatever you two having going on as you are. You’re the ride or die. You’re the one who’s genuinely interested in whether or not he had a good day. You’re the one who gets out of bed at midnight to make a Meijer run to get him medicine when he’s feeling under the weather. You’re the one who waits around hoping he’ll text you, only to be let down yet again.

He doesn’t give a shit and frankly neither should you. You didn’t ask to develop feelings for him and you shouldn’t be wasting all of the best things about yourself on someone who doesn’t deserve it. You don’t deserve to be treated like canned peas when you are a filet mignon. You do not deserve to be treated like someone’s side piece when you are the main course.

Sure, you’re feeling a little down right now, but pick yourself up. Cry it out. And then make tomorrow a better day. You deserve all of the beautiful things that are coming your way. TC mark

Ashley Spargo

Indiana University. B.A. English.

Nothing terrifies me more than being so close to someone and then watching them become a stranger again

Nothing scares me more than someone loving me one day and deciding they don’t want me the next. Nothing terrifies me more than being so close to someone and then watching them become a stranger again.

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