You were a newly-declared couple. And then came deep talks about the universe and he mentions his ex. Hearing her name sent you spiraling into a mix of anger and disgust, with a little hint of jealousy on top. And that is where you start stalking her and hating her for every single thing she does.
This is a common story, of course. And I’m sure you’ve been here once or twice.
But could you just… I don’t know, maybe not do that?
1. You’re someone else’s ex.
Can you just imagine your ex-boyfriend’s current girlfriend stalking you and hating you for going out with your friends on Sunday night to grab a few drinks and party? Or how she’s telling her friends how bitchy you were for eating your favorite bag of junk food? And the worst part of it is that you know nothing about it. See my point now? If you’re doing it to your boyfriend’s ex, chances are, your past lover’s girlfriends are doing it to you at this very moment. Ugly.
2. You’re carrying a neon sign with the words “I’m pathetic” on it.
The mere fact that you’re stalking someone to hate them for every single thing they do spell the word “pathetic” all over. Chances are she knows about what you’re saying all over social media and she’s probably laughing, thinking her ex-boyfriend traded her for a crazy, psychotic girl. So just stop it.
3. You’re spilling your insecurities all over the place.
You think she’s lame because she listens to JB. You judge the way she does her hair or the way she talks to people. You know how perfect she does her make-up in a way you know you can’t do on your own. All this time you spend on hating her for her stuff just spills your precious bottle of insecurities away. Saying mean remarks doesn’t make you any better. It also doesn’t say much about them. It just shows how insecure you are. But here’s the truth: there are some things you can and can’t do that she can and can’t do. It’s all a mixture of this and that but you are unique in several different ways. Own it.
4. You’re being immature.
Do you consider yourself a grown-up lady? If yes, and if you believe so, do yourself a favor and stop hating on your boyfriend’s ex. Mature people dismisses issues like this in a blink of an eye because they know better than to stress themselves over nonsense. Grown-ups forgive and forget because they let karma do its job. On the other hand, immature people (like the one you’re being right now) lunge into a pool of hatred and it doesn’t end well for people (and relationships) under that category.
5. You’re stooping down To her level.
If you do believe she’s a bitch for hurting your boyfriend or for whatever your boyfriend mentioned mean about her (which probably is a lot). Then don’t make yourself fall under the same department as hers. You saying mean words over social media and telling your BFF’s every single imperfection she has, makes you look no less bitchy than she is. Don’t stoop down her level, sweetheart. I’m sure you know better than that.
6. You’re driving yourself down the “over thinking” lane.
“Maybe they’re still seeing each other?” “Is he still in love with her?” “Is he still thinking of her?” Oh please stop. The only person who could answer your doubts is your boyfriend. Instead of investigating and imagining ugly scenes in your head, why not just straight-up ask him about it? Trust whatever he says. And leave it at that.
7. It will ruin your relationships.
Referring to #6, once you’ve been paranoid with the ugliest of the scenarios you made in your head (instead of asking questions out loud), sooner or later you’re probably going to take it on your boyfriend and accuse him of all the ridiculous stuff you made up on your own head. Pro tip: DON’T. You’re stressing your boyfriend with all this drama you’re creating and not only that—you’re basically stating that you don’t trust him enough. More of that behavior and you’re going to end up parting ways because you showed him that you’re no less than being a drama-queen like his ex.
8. Just because he mentions his ex, doesn’t mean he’s not over her.
This is a yes and no. Some guys are douche bags that never get over their exes but there are some who can confidently talk about them without cringing at the sound of their ex’s name simply because they are over their past relationships. If he doesn’t make it a big deal when you mention your exes out of nowhere, be fair to him and do the same. If he’s moved on, then let it go and don’t dwell on it. Ingest everything he says about his past, bad or good. Because his past is a part of him. And if you can’t accept that, how are you going to accept all other things bizarre about him?
9. She probably doesn’t care.
You’ve been snooping into her profile and hating her since day 1. You’ve probably broke your heart over the good things your boyfriend has ever said about her. Hell, you’ve probably said the most off the wall jumble of the “hate” words you have for her. But seriously, where is this going anyway? Do you think she even knows? And if she does, do you think she gives a fuck? So again, stop.
10. You’re letting her win.
If ever she knows what you’re doing and how it stresses you and your boyfriend (mind you, her ex) then chances are, she’s probably laughing at you right now and she’s praising herself because she knows she could cause you much trouble without even lifting a finger. It doesn’t win you any points at home, does it? So ignore it and let her know that you don’t give a shit about who she is or what she does.
11. Better to make lots of friends than to have lots of enemies.
If you can, befriend his exes. Some girls befriend their boyfriend’s exes and they make good friends. Just give it a try. But if you can’t, then don’t. Don’t care. Don’t fuss and don’t give a fuck about them.
12. It’s not worth it.
Judging other people and wasting time letting the world know you hate them is clearly a sign that there’s nothing interesting going on with your life that is why you’re busy stalking somebody else’s. Quit stalking her and live your life. Work on your relationship with your boyfriend and never make the same mistakes she did.
P.S: This list is only for girlfriends with boyfriends that don’t cheat on them. If you are clearly sure that your boyfriend and his ex are doing stuff they shouldn’t be doing, then you could go hate her to what your heart desires.