When You Decide To Try Long Distance

I am a girl. I have my wants and needs. I hate the thought of being apart, and exactly on the same page, I love the idea of waking up to your touch and voice every other day.

I am insecure. That, I will not conceal. To put it out there, I do not know how the distance will carry us. Maybe apart, maybe closer, maybe the distance is simply not worth at all. I try and try to store away the immense feelings I get out of myself every single night. There, I find myself laughing, “How is this going to work? Long distance relationships?”

It is, trust me.

Yes, I trust. Only after I bawl, only after my eyes are all swollen and face all bloated, and the sun rises like any other morning, then I trust. Because the night blinds my vision and mind, because the night seems like a rather comforting place for me to store my insane thoughts and insecurities about being apart.

I question myself, I question you. I am terrified. How in this world full of possibilities will this happen? How will we survive being separated by distant shores and many miles? I sob, I ponder, I sleep.

Eyes blurry, mind in a whirlpool, I try to figure out details of what went down before common sense decided to break in. There, I’m left to articulate to myself, that hey, this is going to happen. I tell myself: You are going to be separated, but you are also going to learn. Learn how to live, learn how to strive, learn how a simple hug is worth so much more. Learn that the ability to see him is so rewarding that you would never take this for granted. Right there, is where you grow by yourself and as a couple. Because the hardest things we want in life? We must learn them the hard way.