The Heartbreaking Truth Behind Goodbye

Jean Gerber
Jean Gerber

Goodbye. One word. Seven letters.

Such a simple word, yet it can destroy you.

From the second you hear it, you begin to question everything that had happened up to this dreadful moment. Were there any flashing, neon signs that you blindly ignored? Signs that would’ve hinted at this inevitable ending? Was there something, something stupid, something selfish, you did to cause this nauseating downfall? Was there something, anything, you could’ve done differently to prevent this disaster from occurring in the first place?  These questions will haunt you constantly, relentlessly, without mercy. Day after day. They will keep you up at night, tossing and turning, unable to find any definite answers, tormenting you ceaselessly. Insomnia will be your new companion.

Goodbye. One word. Seven letters.

It will leave you in a state of denial. This can’t be true. This isn’t happening. Everything is fine. The same mouth that spoke the words “I miss you” and “I want you” countless times couldn’t possibly be saying what I’m hearing now. It’s all a bad dream, a nightmare. You’ll wake up in the morning and they’ll be there, sound asleep, on their side of the bed, hogging all of the blankets while you confiscate all of the pillows. But, no. You wake up morning after morning and the bed is still half empty and you still have all of the covers. You miss all those times you woke up in the middle of the night, freezing, and would snuggle closer to them for warmth since they refused to give up their precious blankets -which they seemed to enjoy cuddling with more than you. You would do anything to turn those treasured memories back into reality. But, instead, your reality is a living nightmare that you struggle to get through. You try to hold yourself together by lying to yourself that they’ll come running back to you. That they’ll realize they shouldn’t have let you go. They’ll come to the conclusion that they really do love you and they won’t find anyone else quite like you and come rushing back into your welcoming arms. But time passes ever so slowly without them and they still aren’t back. No calls. No texts. Nothing to suggest that they miss you and regret letting you go. So you do your best to accept the undeniable truth that they left you and they aren’t coming back. Ever.

Goodbye. One word. Seven letters.

It will leave you choking back a flood of tears. It will leave you curled up on the floor, gasping for air to fill your punctured lungs. The moment that word is uttered, your chest will cave in, your heart, which, not long before, was whole and full of love, will shatter into an uncountable amount of pieces. You’ll try to put it back together like a puzzle, but you cut yourself on all the razor sharp edges and give up when you realize that they took a piece – a piece needed to complete the puzzle that is your heart – with them when they left. So you spend your days searching for ways to fill that missing space. But with every new person you kiss, it only makes you long for your old lover’s lips more. And every drink you gulp down to drown them out only causes you to miss them more – if that were even possible. Every new and different experience you have only makes you wish they could be by your side to share it with you. So you soon stop trying to push them out of your thoughts and learn to embrace the hurt and regret, replaying that terrible goodbye in your head – like a song forever stuck on repeat.

Goodbye. One word. Seven letters.

Such a simple, yet catastrophic word. TC mark

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