Throughout our lives we’ve all grown to learn what works for us and what doesn’t and more often than not we (wisely) avoid the people/places/things that, for lack of a better word, give us the “uh oh” feeling.
Like when you’re little and you don’t know any better so sticking your fingers inside of a fan seems like it could be a good idea. (I say this only because I have, in fact, done it).
Eventually, after repeating this same decision, often on more than one occasion, you begin to remember what the outcome of this choice inevitably looks like, and somewhere in your mind you place a sort of permanent bookmark, or perhaps red flag, which acts as a constant reminder of what you don’t want.
Once you’re able to reach this point, it no longer takes the effort of having to wonder whether or not something is a good or bad idea, it’s now simply a part of you and your natural flow of reactions.
So my thought are these:
Why is it that the older we get, the more resistant we become towards these red flags that, until now, we’ve always regarded as one of our gifts of memory or experience?
What is it that makes us turn a blind eye to the very same warning signs that we ourselves had once put in place?
It’s not as though you’ve suddenly forgotten, or are perhaps attempting to take a path of least resistance, since it takes an actual intended effort on your part to go against these instinctive feelings.
I envision it a lot like seeing your conscience bound, gagged and shrieking in the trunk of your car, all the alarms wailing, as you release the brakes and watch it slowly roll into complete darkness. Too intense? Exactly, it should be.
The moment you start ignoring these internal alarms and instead decide that, “maybe this won’t be as bad as you remember,” or perhaps try and convince yourself that there’s a possibility of a different outcome, you’ll begin to find yourself continuing to unlock doors that have no business ever being opened. Or re-opened. It’s a lot like choosing to play a game of Russian roulette with yourself, knowing fully well that the gun is completely loaded.
Over the years I’ve slowly come to realize that until you’re able to recognize and understand these lessons in their entirety, the universe will just continue to hurl that shit at you. On repeat. So I guess it just comes down to deciding how much you’re willing to make yourself suffer before you’ve finally had enough.