Recently, I celebrated my 6th year anniversary of being single. What made it easier was that I was actually dating a pretty awesome guy who I hadn’t yet become official with. In my opinion, this guy was practically the full package and basically checked off each of the major boxes that I deemed necessary. He was intelligent, motivated, fun, well-traveled, handsome, a family guy with several long term friends, had a good job, and shared similar musical interests and hobbies. People actually commented on my improved mood while we dated, which kind of gave me a complex. Like was I only truly happy dating someone? No, I am completely happy with my life. He was just an added bonus and what I thought was a gift from the powers that be. I wasn’t even worth a call from him.
Sadly, he was too good to be true. He had pre-warned me that he was not an outwardly emotional guy but that didn’t stop me from trying. He struggled to communicate how he felt and I pushed, almost too hard. The saddest part about it all was that he ended it as I was on my way to his place for a scheduled date via text. I get that it may have been hard in person but we had talked for months before meeting and officially dated for almost 2 months and I wasn’t worth a call.
His text to me said, “Hey, sorry for the radio silence while I was up skiing. I was thinking about this a lot and I don’t think it’s a good idea if we keep hanging out. Not that I don’t enjoy it but I just don’t see it working out in the long term so it’s probably better to cut it off now before either of us are too invested. Always an awkward conversation so sorry if it wasn’t handled well and my apologies if this is coming out of nowhere.”
He is probably right; it may not have worked out in the long run. With me being an open, honest extrovert, and him being and inwardly emotional introvert, there were bound to be countless awkward conversations of the emotional sort.
He didn’t find me worth a call.
Ironically, I did see it coming. We texted daily, and then he didn’t reply for almost 2 full days before breaking it off. I could tell my, “are you dating other people” conversation was extremely uncomfortable for him a few days prior, but he’d made it clear he had deleted the dating apps (he hadn’t as he kept popping up on other single friends’ accounts) and was only dating me. But I still felt like something was off and didn’t want to continue to see him if he couldn’t commit to me because I was already falling for him.
He didn’t think I was even worth a call.
I tried to call. I tried to talk in person. He wasn’t having it. He probably thinks I am a whack job because I had things to say. Despite every effort, I too had to text my thoughts. Why wasn’t I worth a conversation? Why after 6 years of single bliss and a terrible dating life did the powers that be think it was ok to tease me with the potential of a great man and a great life? I wish I had never swiped right on him. As luck would have it, I almost didn’t. I also didn’t mean to fall for him in so short of a time. What lesson could life possibly be trying to dish my way? Could it be that things don’t end up the way we want? Or that life isn’t fair? I knew all of this already. This test wasn’t something that I needed.
What lesson am I to learn by not being worth a call?
My friends have been great. Most of the tears that I have shed have been from them trying to prove to me my worth.
It’s so hard for me to see my worth when a person I found worth more than any guy I had ever dated didn’t think that I was worth a call.