It’s any of us, it’s you, and it’s me. And we haven’t found it for all the reasons in the world. Because guys just suck even more as they get older, because dating is hard as hell once you’re out of school and in the real world, because who in the world knows how to be consistent and communicate in the day of age where our apps are changing every two weeks. It’s not like we don’t try. Don’t get me wrong; I’ve done the apps. I’ve tried the OkCupid, the Tinder, the swiping left on the millions of guys that also have resorted to that option because I just don’t know where else to look. And this is the part where you’re gonna tell me, “Don’t look, let him find you.” Where? In the female populated profession that I decided to choose? While I’m working 10 hour shifts to go home and collapse in my bed? At this point, the only way he will find me is if he so happens to break into my apartment, and honestly, that’s not how I hope to meet Prince Charming.
The worst part is that I know he’s out there. He’s somewhere in the grocery aisle, wishing he had a great recipe for mac and cheese, and waiting for me to enter in his life. But I’m tired of waiting for him. He needs to jump on an Uber and come to me because his two feet are simply not working fast enough. He’s out there though. And I want to meet him.
Have you ever felt that you have all this love to give and no one to give it to? Yeah, family and friends are nice and of course, we love ourselves, but we want to surprise someone at work with lunch on a rough day, or hold their hand in a movie at a really scary part, or man, dare I say, fall asleep on someone’s chest. It really is the simple things that we want, but we can’t seem to find it from anyone, anywhere.
And we can’t find it, we, well I’ll say me, I start thinking the problem is me. It’s not even that I’m looking. I go to work, go to my apartment, and go to see my family. If anything, I’m not giving myself an opportunity to look. But I’ve encountered men in my life who have caught my attention. They have made me wonder, “what if?” But they don’t seem to reciprocate the feeling back. So then I’m wondering, am I just undateable? Am I just unlovable? Am I grotesque? Am I destined to be a tea lady who has a lot of owls?(long story)
I don’t know about you, but I refuse to believe that. I refuse to believe that love won’t be mine one day. It’s hard to fight that belief on some days, I’ll be honest, but one thing I’m realizing is that you can’t force love. Yeah you may want it, crave it, desire it, but if you force it, it still won’t satisfy that hunger. It’ll still leave you with that empty feeling in your stomach asking, “is this really it?” Who wants that?
I haven’t found love yet, but I want it to be magical. I still believe in fairytales and happy endings. I want the love I find to be the heater to my cold nights, the ice cream on my happy days, the light in this world that seems to get darker and darker by the day. I want that love to come to show me that all the past frogs were frogs for a reason. They left me hungry, and I’ll finally know why.
I haven’t found love yet, but when I do. Man. Let’s just say I can’t wait to finally feel what it’s like to be full.