1. Wake up naturally at 7:12. But I was supposed to sleep until 7:30 for 9 hours of of sleep. Now I’m gonna be tired all day.
2. Get ready; spend 15 minutes hair-spraying flyaways down
3. Leave house. Oh no. I can’t remember if I left the stove on. This whole morning is a blur. What if the house burns down, and it’s all my fault?
4. Return home. The house is not on fire. Leave for real this time.
5. Run over paper cup in the road. Holy sh*t, what was that? Did I just get in a wreck? Did I hit a pedestrian?
6. Park in nearest parking lot, inspect car (find no sign of an accident).
7. Return to scene of crime…it really was just a paper cup.
8. Arrive at work. Walk in. There’s someone else headed in, but they’re at that point behind me where I don’t know whether or not to hold the door. Do I hold it and deal with the awkwardness of an interaction, or walk ahead really fast so they know I’m just in a hurry and not rude?
9. Hold door open with an uncomfortable smile. Person says, “Thanks; you didn’t need to hold it.” Feel cheeks heat up.
10. Start to simultaneously work and think about all of the events of yesterday. Dang, I forgot to text Matt back. It’s ‘cause I got so busy organizing my seashell collection. Should I tell him that now, or will he think I’m a freak? If I don’t text him now, will he ever talk to me again? Well, it was nice knowing you, Matt.
11. Login to bank account. See $487 in checking. Consider transferring $13 from savings so it’ll be a perfect $500. But then my savings will be a random number instead.
12. Spend the next two hours thinking about lunch. I really want Del Taco, but then I’ll have bad breath for my date tonight. Subway would be fine. But I’d have to turn left to get there. I just can’t handle the stress of a left turn today.
13. Decide to live life on the edge and go to Del Taco. Because tacos make everything better.