A person may not be perfect, but they should treat you with respect.
In a dark time of my life, I did not know my worth. But now I have learned to never settle for less.
I would be with guys who didn’t really value me, and they made that clear. But I always hoped and hoped that it would get better, that he would want to meet my family, that he would want to take me on a date, that he would put his phone down when he was with me.
With time and a lot of gut feelings, I realized that I was being treated poorly because I was allowing it. People will treat you the way you allow them to treat you.
People will treat you the way you allow them to treat you.
If you’re looking at that with a sunken heart because you currently feel the same way, I want to encourage you. I made it out of this dark time a changed person. We are never trapped in our habits, and healthy relationships are possible.
Now, years later, I am with an amazing guy. He is caring, understanding, kind, patient and respectful. He is also chivalrous (I’m talking doors opened 24/7). I don’t say this to brag (okay, maybe a little) but to show you that a good relationship is possible. It actually exists. Even if you’re in the muck right now, there is a bright light in the future. There are other options.
I would not be with my wonderful boyfriend today if I hadn’t stood up to those guys that did not respect me. If I didn’t follow my gut, I would have stayed in unhealthy relationships. I would probably question my worth.
And no person is worth us questioning our worth.
So maybe you’re in this in-between space where you wonder if it will ever get better or if you should walk away. I want to encourage you, and remind you of what you really deserve. It’s not wrong to know your worth.
1. You Are Worth More Than Midnight Texts (Or No Texts At All)
It is a healthy desire to want someone to text you. At the beginning of the relationship, things are exciting and new, and there should be a lot of getting to know each other. If they always put you on the backburner and never make an effort to get to know you, that’s quite the warning sign.
And if they’re only interested in you at night, they are more interested in getting something out of you instead of getting to know who you are. Forget the late night texts, you deserve someone who will send you good morning texts.
2. You Are Worth Dates
Maybe they always suggest free things to do together, like watching Netflix or going to the dining hall or going for a walk. And while these are good things, it is quite the warning sign if they never want to take you on a proper date. It’s not good to make them broke, but it is not wrong to want to be taken out to eat, to a movie, or to the zoo. The beginning of the relationship is when they should be making the most effort, and you deserve that effort.
3. You Are Worth A Family Person
If they do not want to get close with your family, this is a red flag. You deserve someone who wants to get to know your brother, your five sisters, your parents who raised you from the ground up, and even your crazy dogs (sounds weird but it’s TRUTH). If they hide in the car when they drop you off or pick you up, this means that they don’t want to get to know the people who are closest to you. And this is unacceptable.
4. You Deserve The Little Things
This includes opening the door for you, giving you their jacket when you’re cold, and putting their phone away when you’re together. Though these things don’t seem like that big of a deal, they certainly start to add up. You deserve just a little more effort than necessary.
5. You Deserve Someone Who Wants To Show You Off
Maybe when you two are together they make a big deal out of you, but in a public space they act like you don’t exist. This is just not going to cut it. They should want to introduce you to every single close friend of theirs. They should flaunt you and shout to the entire party that they are so stinkin’ lucky to have you. OKAY, this is an exaggeration, but if they act like you suddenly don’t exist when you’re out and about, this is a bit sketchy. You deserve someone who is proud to call you theirs.
6. You Deserve Compliments
If your person never tells you how kind, beautiful, generous, passionate, hard-working, or fill-in-the-compliment-blank you are, then this is not a healthy place to be. If they never tell you things that are true and wonderful about you, then they are not making the effort to make you feel appreciated. And it is okay for you to want to feel loved. You deserve affirmation and kind words.
7. You Deserve More
You might be at the end of this and feel a queasy pit in your stomach because you know you’re settling. I’ve been there, and I know how that feels. But there is a freedom that comes when we choose to treat ourselves well. We have to guard our hearts, and this means from people who don’t see the value that is in us.
You may be afraid to walk away, like they might the best you can get. But there is more out there. In the meantime, you can ride solo and treat yourself with kindness and care. It is better to be alone than to be with someone who lets you question your worth.
IT IS BETTER TO BE ALONE THAN TO BE WITH SOMEONE WHO LETS YOU QUESTION YOUR WORTH.
When you set the standards for how you’ll be treated, people can either stay and respect that or walk away. Better for them to walk away early in the game when you know their true intentions than to be caught off guard years later.
Don’t walk around looking for perfection, because no one will check all the boxes and never frustrate you. We are human, after all. But it’s not wrong to expect respect.
IT’S NOT WRONG TO EXPECT RESPECT.
It is okay for you stand up for yourself and believe that you deserve more. There is a freedom that comes when we stand up for how we want to be treated. And that freedom is worth it.