I’ve done it. You’ve probably done it. Everyone you know has done it at least once—or in my case, like 100 times, but at least it was with the same guy.
I’m talking about that shameful retreat back into an ex’s bed. I’m not talking about the guy you briefly dated for two months that you barely liked or that one girl whose last name currently escapes you…Miller? Mayer? Shit, I don’t remember.
I’m talking about the ex you fell hard for. The one you know every stinkin’ detail about, the person whom you hate but love and love but hate. The one who broke your heart but changed your life for the better despite it all. Yes, that one. Don’t have that kinda ex? Oh, congrats! But you will soon, so take notes.
There are more cons than pros to sleeping with you ex, so I’ve created the top 5 reasons why you should NOT.
1. It’s confusing.
For you, for him. For your head and heart. Could we make it work again? Yes. Yes, we could. It’s different now. But what if doesn’t work and we start fighting again? No, no, I can’t go down that road again. My god, what was I thinking? I can’t be with him. But man…I’ve never felt so safe in my life, laying right here in his arms. And he knows me so well but I hate how we treated each other and neither of us is going to change….
See—that is just terrible to read; imagine FEELING all that in a 24-hour time span. Not fun and not worth it!
2. It can lead to an unhealthy cycle.
I’m not saying sleeping with your ex once is automatically going to become an unhealthy cycle, but you sure as hell give more power to the chance by engaging sexually. But it’s just once… Yep, and one time turns into another time and another time and then your mind starts wandering. Why hasn’t he texted me all day? Well, the answer is because he’s not your boyfriend anymore. Then you want him to be. Then he is. Then you start fighting again. Then you break up. And that can all be eliminated by not having contact with him at all. Cycles are like addictions and if you can avoid them, PLEASE DO SO!
3. It stops you from moving forward.
It sucks when something that had a profound effect on your life ends. We do everything we can to hold onto it. We fear we will never know love as we once did. Because it was so soooo magical, we don’t even want to attempt and see if we can ever find a new love. I GET IT. Letting go is hard, but clinging to a past we can’t change or recreate will keep you stuck. You’re sending the world a message that you’re not ready to move on, keeping you exactly where you’re safe but unsatisfied and longing for more.
The habit of keeping around an ex that you loved stops the flow of life and erases the chance for new experiences to open up in front of you. Being stuck in a place where you long for something that can’t be recreated and simultaneously knowing it’s not good for your highest being IS hard, and engaging in a sexual relationship is not going to help. But hey, it happens, and don’t beat yourself up over it. If you enjoyed yourself, awesome. But there’s probably going to be a price to pay for the euphoria you felt during those 30 minutes of fun and six hours of spooning.
4. You will miss him…
As if it’s not bad enough to miss him in general, sleeping with him—laying with him, smelling him, holding his hand, resting your head on his chest, kissing him with your eyes closed as you drift off into la-la land—IS NOT GOING TO HELP. I’m not sure you ever “get over” missing someone; I have to think you can with time, but I’m not sure. I think we just keep living life and it slowly gets easier to handle. Maybe we transform that feeling of missing someone into something good? Or maybe we always miss some parts of our lives. Missing something doesn’t mean it’s meant to be yours. Sad, but true. And sleeping with him will only make you miss him more, going back to #1, and confusing the shit out of you.
5. …or worse, you’ll realize that things have changed.
This is the moment you realize things have changed and you feel differently, when you know it’s really…over. The day your heart loves him differently. You did everything in your power to defy this day coming. When it feels like you will be OK without him and that you can slowly let him go to live his own life. As wonderful as that moment is, it’s bittersweet knowing a chapter is coming to an end. However, it might have taken sleeping with him one last time to get it. In that case, I hope it was really frickin’ awesome sex and you can leave with love, respect, and truly wishing him well.