Sometimes I can’t. Sometimes I can’t even. And, on occasion I’m literally dying because I cannot even! Call it being a twenty-something girl that doesn’t have a clue what’s going on half the time or maybe it’s because things in this world just make me need to STOP and figure out just why?! Ahemm… Miley Cyrus, Johnny Jam Boogie, Uggs with shorts! There’s a lot of can’t a white girl can’t, and here’s why we can’t even.
1. New Shoes
I challenge any girl to come forward that has worn a brand new pair of heels out and actually enjoyed it. Kudos to you! As long as my outfit gets photographed at the beginning of the night we’re good to go. I can guarantee you, I’ll be walking to the car at the end of the night heels in hand. No shame in my game. New shoes… I just can’t even.
No, I’m not talking about the quiet game. This here is in reference to any date, sleepover, or rendezvous that was followed with silence. Even if it was the worse date in the entire world, at least acknowledge that it happened. “Hey, hope you had fun.” “Hi, good seeing you last night.” Heck, I’d even take “Hey, it was nice casually eating dinner at the same table in very noncommittal way last night.” Silence, however, literally not okay.
I’m not in college anymore. It’s like orange juice after brushing your teeth. Death. Sometimes I feel like my own reflection is judging me the next day. Come Monday morning, following a Sunday Funday, following a Saturday during football season. Like for real, I’m literally dying.
4. Pinterest Projects
It’s like a fairy godmother named Martha Stewart threw up all over my apartment. It’s all glitter, burlap, wine bottles, and Nutella stuffed cookie dough all over the counter and floor. I swear I followed the directions, but no it does not look like that photo. Pinterest projects from hell… I can’t even.
You don’t hear from them for 6 months. Then all of a sudden you’re out talking to this beautiful, 6 foot something guy with the cutest southern accent that told you you’re gorgeous, and on cue your phone starts ringing. You look down, and of course it’s him. Is this a joke? I just cant!
6. Barbie at the Gym
I’m on all red faced, sweat stained, asthma induced breathing about to get thrown off the treadmill while this Barbie is prancing next to me flipping through Cosmo with her hair down and a full face of make up on. Is this real life? Take your painted on spandex to the elliptical and let me die alone. I literally cannot!
Holey jeans, Birkenstocks, Jean jackets, overalls… (okay maybe I can on that one). It’s like my pre-teen closet had more style then the one I have now. I just can’t keep up. If gouaches ever make it back though… I not only cannot, I just wont.
I’m a Texas girl. I like big hair, sweet tea, and summertime. But, what I just can’t… this weather. I prefer only to sweat when I’m working out. I’d also like to experience more than just two seasons – summer and not summer. I want fall. I want boots. I want scarves. I want pumpkin spice everything. This weather though… I can’t.
And there you have it, the reasons why girls just simply can’t. It’s not like we have an inability to can, there are just circumstances in which we cannot. And then there are those times that you literally just cannot take us literally. We’re pretty simple, right?