When people catch me in my moments of weakness, I say, “some days are harder than others,” but that’s not true. Every day is a battle.
Life becomes a constant battle. Every little thing becomes a trigger. Things you once loved become things you don’t enjoy anymore, things you can’t enjoy anymore.
There are happy moments, but those are moments that you’re preoccupied. One second, you can be laughing and the next, you’ll be crying, curled up into a ball on the ground.
You sleep, but you’re never fully rested because you wake up numerous times over the night. Maybe it’s stress, maybe it’s just your screwed up body.
Watching a comedy will make you cry. Walking by the beach will do the same. Heck, even driving will bring tears to your eyes. That’s probably not very safe, I can attest to that.
Most people won’t understand and they won’t want to. Maybe because it’s better to believe that someone’s just being a baby rather than believe that we can suffer such emotions for no real reasons. Yes, there are triggers that lead you to depression, events and such. But when you’re depressed, any little thing makes you sad. Sometimes, you don’t even need a trigger.
Friends will grow sick of your rants. They will say things like “grow up” or “stop being a baby.” And that will send you into another spell of depression. Family members will ask, “What can we do to make it better?” but there’s nothing that they can, because there aren’t reasons behind depression but rather, it’s an illness.
There are extreme moments when you will feel exasperated. When suicide feels like the only viable option. When you no longer care if things will get better.
Every day is a battle. Life becomes a constant battle.