Maybe It Was Silly To Fall For You

Maybe it was silly to want it. To want your attention, however short and sporadic, despite the warning words of my friends. To want that rush, a rush I’ve never experienced before. The kind that left me intoxicated until I would sober up, and then crave that sweet intoxication all over again.

To want to be wanted. To want you.

You knew it, I knew it, but it felt too good.

Maybe it was silly to need it. To need it to become more, when these small bouts of your time and heart-eyed emojis just weren’t enough anymore. To need to know I could possibly be more than just another number in your phone, another girl to add to your lengthy list.

But that’s all I would be, could be. Without it ever being said.

You knew it, I knew it, but it felt too good.

Maybe it was silly to return to it. To return to the same old patterns and your familiarity. The exquisite highs followed by inevitable let-downs. To return to the same old behaviors that caused the end the first time around. A lot can change in a year. But it was apparent from this return that change was not possible for you and me.

You knew it, I knew it, but once again, it felt too good.

It wasn’t silly to end it. To end my annoyance and anger at your inconsistency and carelessness. To end your words and flattery that would only show up at your convenience. To end your certainty that no matter when you beckoned, I would come. To end it and consider you to be one of my most important, valuable lessons. To end it, and absolutely mean it.

You know it, I know it, and it feels really good.