The speech was beautiful, and it’s what kept me wrapped up in you for months. “You knew you loved me; you just weren’t sure if you could move past your past. You were too hurt, too guarded, too numb and too detached, but you just couldn’t let me go. You cared for me more than you had ever cared for anyone else, and you deeply loved me, you were just messed up and needed time” – So I stayed.
You let me in, but not too far in.
The protective wall built around your heart began to soften and it drew me into you- enough to sleep with you. I trusted you and you gave me every reason to. The way you kissed me, the way you held me, the way you looked at me – all of that-created a false sense of hope. You knew how bad it would hurt me if we shared that without the commitment to follow, but you led me there anyway. I resent that I fell for your “boyfriend act” but you sure played the part well. – So I stayed.
We spent endless days and nights together, laughing and talking. We watched movies and cuddled. We talked about life, and struggles. We bonded in ways I had never bonded with anyone else; something I believed you felt too. Your walls, designed to keep me at a safe distance continued to weaken and I saw glimpses of the real you-the loving and sensitive, unguarded you, the one what wanted me – So I stayed.
For months, you wavered back and forth between wanting me and not. You pushed me away. You pulled me close. You needed space. You needed time. You wanted all of me. You wanted parts of me. I guess there’s no way I’ll ever know if it was genuine confusion on your part or if you just wanted the best of both worlds, but it was entirely unfair to invite me on that emotional rollercoaster of yours.– So I’m leaving.