After months or (possibly) years of involuntary solitude, you’ve finally found a guy you’d like to hang on to. You’ve got the tinglies for him and he seems to be giddy for you. More importantly, you haven’t scared him off yet, which by the way, congrats! In retrospect, it might have seemed like the hard part was finding him, but really it’s going to be trying not to mess it up. How do you convince your new manwich to stick around once the new relationship smell washes off? Use the helpful tips and tactics below to stretch out the bliss of blind love.
1. Pump the Brakes
New infatuated lovers will often rush into a relationship. This tends to cause guys to freak out and run away screaming “this is moving too fast” or “run, she has a flail!” (A flail is one of those spiked ball and chain thingamabobs.) Thus, you need to convey that you aren’t too serious and want to keep this unlabeled relationship casual. Try calling him names such as “duder, bro or chief” during casual conversation and in bed.
2. Invent Another Suitor
Jealousy can be the sincerest form of motivation. Guys are competitive and you should use their neurotic insecurity to your advantage. Step away to take phone calls or have your girlfriends text you while you and him are out together. This will say “I want to keep my options open, unless you want to be exclusive, in which case so do I.” Remember, you’re not manipulating him, you’re just getting him to do something you want him to do.
3. Make Yourself Seem Interesting
Aside from appearance, dating is mostly based on contrived conversation and banter. It consists of material artificially created through past relationships that we pretend to deliver spontaneously. So, have some preplanned conversation starters that’ll make you seem quirky. Try something like “Who do you think would win a fight between a gorilla or a tiger?” or “You want to see me dislocate my jaw?
4. If 1, 2 and 3 fail see 5, 6 and 7.
So, you fucked it up. Don’t be too hard on yourself. I mean, honestly, what did you expect? Now, for your own sake keep reading.
5. Trick Yourself
You may have realized it’s not going to work out because he’s going to try to end it. Make your brain beat him to it by convincing yourself it was a lost cause anyways! For example, does he wear those toe-shoes? Convince yourself that these minute details are deal-breakers! (Also, yes, we know you’re not supposed to judge someone till you’ve walked a mile in their shoes, but if they’re wearing those toe shoes, we’re totally judging!)
6. Retail Therapy
Shop till you drop this temporary defeatism pain you’re experiencing. Go buy yourself something nice. Buying things will make you happy and take your mind off being alive and a terrible, disgusting undateable human being. Never forget that happiness is available in your shoe size.
7. Try Again
Get back on the horse instead of lying there in self-pity eating your feelings. The key to dating is constantly finding new persons that you’re too early in the relationship with to realize it’s not going to work out. So, get back out there and get those giddy feelings for a new guy till you get rejected then have to convince yourself you don’t like him by finding another new guy and repeat the process.