To the man who will love me next, I don’t know who you are or where we’ll meet (or maybe we already have), but here are some things you should know:
1. You should know that I’m a shower-in-the-morning type of person.
2. You should know that chocolates and stuffed toys are the way to my heart.
3. You should know that I have wear socks to bed but will lose them somewhere in the blankets in the middle of the night. And sometimes, I’ll forget to find them in the morning too.
4. You should know that I have spent my whole life with my guard up and surrounded by my own walls. I’m scared to show you all of me. Because if I do, what if you leave. I don’t know how to let down these walls for you, but I promise I will, if you promise to be patient. If you stick around long enough to find out, if you give me time, if you give me encouragement and if you show me love, I promise you I’ll break down the walls myself to let you in.
5. You should know that I’m going to push you away. Not because I don’t want you around or because you deserve it, but I will push you away because I need to know you’ll push back. I need to know that when I get upset and close you off, you aren’t going to just walk away, but instead you will wait out my storm and let me know that you care enough to stay.
6. You should know that I have days where I am not myself. I have days where I am merely a shadow of the person that I know I can be. I will have days when I cannot talk because sentences are too difficult to form and words are too heavy to speak. I will have days when I cannot get out of bed because I don’t have enough strength to face the day on my own. I will have days where my anxiety will make me worry, doubt myself, and question everything. I will have days where everything will close in on me and I will forget how to breathe. I will have days when you will not like me, and it’s on these days most of all, I ask that you still love me.
7. Because you should know, I will have days where I am so happy that I beam as bright as the sun on a perfect summer day. I will have days where all I have is laughter in my lungs and a sparkle in my eye. I will have days where I sing like no one can hear me and dance like no one can see me. I will have days where I will kiss you with everything that I have and it will feel like fireworks. I will have days where I am beyond happy, and it’s on these days most of all, I want to share with you.
8. You should know that I spend a lot of my life being scared – that you will leave, that I am not enough, and things beyond my control. I am terrified to fall in love again, because the last time I gave my heart away, I got it thrown back to me as if it was nothing.
9. But despite all that, you should know that I am beyond excited. I am excited for the memories that we will make, the adventures we will go on and the moments of magic we will have.
10. You should know, and I hope you really do, you should know that I promise to love you with all the love that you show me and more.