The Size I Am Today

Clothes shopping… It’s something I loathe. I mean, you feel me, right? With an upcoming trip to New York, I HAD to find something other than the “mom uniform” I typically wear. But this time, I decided to go in with a new attitude about clothes and my body.

I’ve got body insecurities like everyone else, which my dad always hated. He thought I was being “mean” to myself. But really, I was just sharing out loud what a lot of us think in our self-destructive minds.

I won’t lie, this was hard for me, as my body is different than I’ve always been used to, but I’m learning the importance of living in the moment. Not in the past, not in the future, but present in the now.

So, how does this fit into shopping for clothes?

Well, today I am the size I am. I am not the size of yesterday. I am not the size of tomorrow. So when I went into the store, I chose sizes that were my size! Not clothes that used to fit (in hopes they still would) or clothes that I’d like to fit into. I chose a size that fits me TODAY. Realistically.

Most of the time when I go shopping for clothes, I leave disappointed. And most likely I’d probably say something like, “I couldn’t find anything” or “Nothing fits.”

And I believe that’s because we’re not living in the moment with our current body size. Our minds are focused on the time we had that body we loved (even though we probably still weren’t satisfied with that one). We have not yet accepted our bodies for how they are today.

You will be disappointed if you grab a small off the rack and it’s too small, when in reality you know you wear a large.

Live for today in the body that you have. We can’t change a thing until we accept and love who we are right now.

So yesterday, I bought some clothes that fit ME in the body that I’ve accepted. I wasn’t disappointed. I want some things to change, and while that isn’t going to happen immediately, it can start right now.