The last time I had fallen in love with someone was five years ago. In between then and now, I had forgotten about the butterflies, the late night calls, the warmth you could feel from a hug, the clarity you could get from someone’s voice.
I forgot all the things that came with being in love and being loved in return. So much time had passed and I was so focused on bettering myself for my future, that I wasn’t able to realize that love wasn’t just frivolous, but it was part of where I saw myself in 10 years.
Falling in love again after so many years felt as if it were my first day in grade school all over again. It was a mixture of excitement and nerves and expectations of wanting the year to go well. I wanted this to go well, because if not, my heart would be broken, and I didn’t want to further myself in the hole of forgetting what love was.
I had forgotten that love was coming home to a hug after a long day at work. Love was having someone to laugh with over takeout. Love was having someone to go through life with. It felt almost euphoric not having to struggle alone. I now had someone who adopted my ups and downs and helped make life’s twists and turns bearable almost.
I had forgotten that love was more than high school drama and little kid giggles. It was holding someone so tight that your bodies melted together in warmth and excitement. It was struggling with someone and being grateful for them, as if they were an opportunity you were given. It was late night conversations about gross things, confusing things, things you knew nothing of, and things you knew everything about. It was loving company, and even though I had forgotten what love was, his love retaught me everything I needed to know.
I can only hope to remember this feeling forever.