I Have A Strong Desire To Stop Loving You, But I Know That’s Not Possible

I wish I could say that it doesn’t break my heart to love you, but the truth is that unrequited hurts more than anything I’ve ever felt. I wonder what life would be like if my love for you wasn’t as strong as gravity. I won’t ever find out, because I know that my heart has committed every ounce of itself involuntarily to loving you.

Inside of me is a raging storm of butterflies, and keeping that suppressed has been the worst thing I’ve ever put myself through. I burn with desire and passion, and I want to love you in the most innocent of ways. I want to know if it feels as wonderful in your arms as I imagine it to be or if your blue eyes look even more gorgeous when they’re closing with sleep.

James Patterson said it best: “What’s worse than knowing you want something, besides knowing you can never have it?” When you smile at me, I think of that, and although you bring me happiness, I feel such intense pain because of Patterson’s words ringing in my ears, knowing that it’s the most honest thing I’ll ever admit to myself.

I feel as though I never stop looking for love when it comes to you. I look in the words you say, in the gestures you make, in your laugh and in our hugs, and that’s why my feelings for you won’t go away. I can’t stop, because I want to believe that maybe life isn’t as twisted as poets claim it is, maybe self destruction isn’t all I’m good for, maybe you could love me… maybe.

The reality is that I’ve spent many nights fawning over you, just as many nights as I’ve spent crying over you, and I know that at some point, I’ll break. I always knew that loving you wouldn’t be easy, I just never thought it would hurt as bad as it does.

No one knows the pain of being in love with someone who’s heart belongs elsewhere. No matter how many stars I wish on, I know that you could never be mine, and even that doesn’t stop the snowballing emotions I have for you. I don’t think that there is anyone or anything strong enough to stop them. I want to forget you only to alleviate some of the aching in my chest, but I won’t ever forget your name or the beautiful skies you carry in your eyes. I won’t ever forget that I gave my heart to someone who had no idea they consumed it.ย  TC mark

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