I Wish You Hadn’t Meant The World To Me

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Juliana Arruda / Unsplash

I wish I wouldn’t have given everything I had into loving you because, maybe now, I wouldn’t feel so empty.

I sacrificed so much, dedicated everything to making you smile and it wasn’t enough. I was never enough and I guess I chose to ignore the signs that are more obvious now that I look back.

You were everything to me. I put your happiness above my own, I always put you first. To me it was worth it. My stress didn’t exist when you smiled, anxiety was no where to be found when you were by my side and now I stand alone in a  world I don’t recognize.

I’d never thought I’d know another day where you weren’t there to love me and hold me, but yet, here I am. I guess I was wrong about a lot of things.

Now is when I’m realizing that I fucked up by putting you before myself because now I look into a mirror and I see flaws I didn’t even know I had. I see sadness and abandonment. I see a girl who’s had her heart ripped out her chest and I see a girl with no sense of where she goes from there.

I wish I could say it was worth it, but I can’t. This pain is much stronger than the love I ever felt.

Looking back now, I grow sad thinking of all the time and effort I put into us and how it was all for this. I’m not sad because I want you back into my life. I’m sad because I wish you had never happened to me. I would take back all the good times and all the love and the warm feelings only you could make me feel just to make this numbness go away.

I wish I hadn’t made you my entire world because then I wouldn’t be shattered into a million pieces with no idea how to put myself back together. TC mark

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