I Have Finally Stopped Forgiving You

Woman shaking out her hair freely
Hannah Morgan / Unsplash

It was hard to not forgive your deep brown eyes and your dark brown hair and the smile that I have learned to love so much. It was hard to tell myself that what was best for me was no longer you. You were actually everything I needed to rid myself of. 

You loved lying to me more than you loved being faithful and that was our problem and choosing not to forgive you this time has proven to be more painful because I love you.

Deciding to cut someone out of my life that I love is one of the hardest things I’ve ever experienced in my short life. I find myself hoping that I’ll wake up and all the deception could disappear so I could just love you and be loved in return.

That’s the thing. It took me cutting you out to realize that I’ve spent all these nights crying, all these nights feeling like my chest was imploding because of you and you never even loved me back.

You loved hurting me. You loved being dishonest. 

You let me fall in love with you so you could play with my heart and I let you because I thought that when you said I was everything to you that you meant it. You would caress my cheek at night, let me ramble about my favorite book until I fell asleep, tell me how you loved that about me and then blatantly hurt me over and over again. You even had the nerve to act like you hurt seeing me hurt.

I loved you with no boundaries, gave you myself just to be taken advantage of, to be toyed with and I don’t forgive you this time. 

It’s so hard to be strong when all I want to do is run in your arms and let you calm me down as I cry. 

I cannot forgive you because I realize that I need someone who will love me that way that I loved you. I need someone who will care for me the way I wish you cared for me. I need someone who will not let me down. I will not and I do not forgive you because I have more respect for myself and have run out of patience with you. TC mark

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