Saying goodbye to you was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. The words tasted bitter coming out, but I needed closure like I needed air and you were a door I needed closed.
I loved you in the same way I love sad poetry. You were so vulnerable and dark with this twisted beauty no one could quite understand. You were built of these beautifully creepy metaphors and I could swear that instead of gravity holding me down to the ground, it pulled me towards you.
I woke up some days and swore that my sole purpose in life was to love you wholeheartedly and be loved in return and now I know you were nothing more than a lesson learned and it doesn’t anger me.
I am not mad that your loyalty was nonexistent. I am not angry that I was completely blind to the person you really are. I’m happy that I had the opportunity to be hurt by you because I now know that to be naive is to be weak and that no one will care for my heart the way I can.
There was a time that I was angry, but then I realized that it was the wake-up call that I needed. It made me realize that fairy tales are nothing more than unicorns or mermaids. Mythical ideas we created to fuel the fantasies of young minds. I would never live a fairy tale because a fairy tale could only ever exist in the walls of my brain.
I needed you to realize that everything isn’t rainbow and roses and I’m glad that I can be more realistic from this point on. Closing that door, the door that gave me the opportunity to finally shut you out of my life, was the most liberating thing and it felt more satisfying than any “happily ever after” could feel.
I miss the way your cologne carried itself throughout my apartment and I wish I could hear you say you love me one more time, but I also am glad that you can’t hurt me any more than you already have and that the next chapter in my life will be better.
Thank you for teaching me that love is more than perfection. Love is flaws, and lies and fights and passion and sex and late night pancakes. Thank you for breaking my heart, because I’ll be prepared next time.