It Hurt To Not Love You

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Alina Tyutyunnikova / Unsplash

Falling out of love, was falling and finally hitting the ground. It was the grueling realization that we could never work and that you and I were never the soulmates we thought we were.

I never thought I’d see the tail end of our relationship after that second date at the ice rink. I remember your hands on my hips and the fire that burned beneath them. The butterflies flying around in my warm body. The way your voice, so close to my ear, sent chills to my spine. It was the way you smiled back at me as you held my hand, pulling me on the ice.

I wasn’t scared of falling even though I had never ice skated before, I wasn’t afraid that falling would hurt, or that my feet would blister. The only thing that existed was the way your hair swooshed in the wind and the way your laugh was all I could hear in the crowded arena.

I swore that you would be my forever and that nothing could pop that little bubble we had created around us, but it did and before I knew it, you were different.

I remember being so infatuated with the way your blue eyes stared at me with need and intensity like you had to have me even though I was already yours.

I remember the way you’d touch my skin as if it were gold. You were gentle, but you touched me with desperation as if I was the last sip of water in the desert.

That’s what I had fallen in love with. Your want to want me. When that was gone, I was left with nothing and I came down from that high you had me on.

It hurt to not love you. It hurt to not be loved by you. TC mark

To love yourself should be no quiet affair, but a loud uprising.

“Never forget,
you are more powerful
than you are damaged
and you will rise
from any abyss
they drown you in.”

— Nikita Gill, Your Heart Is The Sea

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