I Want To Forget You Ever Existed In My World

A woman in an off-the-shoulder sweater stands in front of a white railing and white wall
Brooke Cagle / Unsplash

I wish I knew when I first met you that you were no good for me because then I wouldn’t be here wishing my body had rejected you the way water does oil. I wouldn’t be here, sitting in my bed, wishing you never entered my world.

I wish my brain could abort the memory of you, completely forget the chaos you caused, the pain you inflicted. I wish I could forget the tornado you were and the damage you did. I want nothing more than to erase you like I erased all traces of you on my phone.

I used to stare at my ceiling and replay the way you looked at me and the way you whispered on my neck how much you loved me and how much I meant to you and now I stare at my ceiling hoping the faint smell of your cologne on my sheets eventually fades away and that sleep finds me.

Even when I do sleep, you find your way into my dreams and it makes me remember how much of a fantasy you were. You were an illusion. You were light and love, but you were really the complete opposite. Nothing more than a sick trick on my brain, but that’s my fault for being so damn naive.

I wake up every morning and hope that the pang of hurt my heart feels will go away and be replaced with something amazing and that I don’t feel so empty all the time.

That’s the thing about heartbreak. It leaves you feeling so empty and then finding what fills that gaping hole feels so fucking impossible. More impossible than reaching out and touching the moon.

I want nothing more than to fix the pieces you broke, forget the damage you caused, and to start all over. I want my slate completely clean and I want to forget that you ever existed in my world. TC mark


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