The truth was that we both knew we would never last. We contrasted with each other in the worst ways but we were so in love with the idea of us. The idea that friendship and dating went hand in hand and that we could work.
We did love each other an enormous amount, but our love was mediocre. It wasn’t infinite and otherworldly like we knew it should’ve been. We were both in denial.
I could imagine myself with a family, but sometimes you weren’t part of that image. It was someone I had yet to meet.
We had become so comfortable and we disguised that by acting like it was passion. These weren’t even deep thoughts to me. Thoughts we hid from ourselves. I woke up everyday and told myself that if you made me happy and you made me laugh and you cared for me that I would finally start to believe you were the one, but pretending never changed the doubts I felt. I knew it wouldn’t, but I hoped that a miracle would happen.
You never felt like home, but the comfort and the security were worth acting like it would somehow work itself out.
I wanted us to wake up one day and just… click. I wanted fireworks to erupt and it never came. I loved you, I still do, but we couldn’t pretend any longer. I yearn for your friendship and I wish we could’ve kept that intact.
I understand why we couldn’t. We had let ourselves down by not falling for each other the way we thought would happen and talking afterwards was just a reminder of it all.
You may not have been the one, but know that I wished you could’ve been.
Know that I wish you could’ve been more than just security and comfort, but the center in which I spun around like the planets orbited and relied on the sun.
I wish that you could’ve been my “happily ever after”, my end, my everything.
At least I know we both tried and for that, I’m grateful and thank you.