I’m embarrassed. I wanted you with every fiber in my human body, dedicated all my dreams to you, loved you with everything I had and you tossed me like gum onto the pavement only to feel like everyone had stepped all over me. Even then, you were the center in which I orbited in a way that made me nauseous.
Looking back now, now that you are just a memory I can’t forget, I’m ashamed. I’m ashamed that I dedicated every breath to being with you, making you happy, meeting your every desire, and oftentimes exceeding them, and you did nothing but reject me like water does oil. I’m ashamed that I didn’t realize how toxic you were.
I hate thinking that all that time and effort was nothing but favors to you.
You should be equally embarrassed because in order to make someone fall for you to only throw them away takes someone whose heart is cold, someone whose heart finds love and support foreign and I feel sorry for you in the same way that I hate you.
You went from being the only element in this world that made me smile to the thing that made me feel like the world was near its end.
My face reddens like tomatoes when people spit your name and it’s because I hate to have to tell people how dirty the one person who made me feel complete did me. It reddens because the memory of you is maddening and dark now that I know who you really are and I’m still trying to accept the fact that I loved you.
I loved the person I thought you were.
So I hope you wake up one day and realize that you miss my warmth in the cold world you exist in. I hope that one day you find someone that makes you realize how you broke my heart.