I wish I could restore all the pain you have ever caused me. I wish a band-aid could heal my broken heart and that the gauze could stop my tears. I wish that there was a prescription to suppress what I am feeling, to fix my broken heart so I could heal quicker, but there isn’t and I want so badly to be okay and in love again.
I want to be in love with you again. I want the sparkle in your eyes and the ambition in your heart to fill me and give me life, but it only makes me sad knowing that, although you have done me great damage, you are okay.
I wish you hurt seeing me hurt and the fact that you don’t makes me think that maybe we aren’t as right for each other as I thought. It makes me realize that the small thing that broke me did no harm to you and that I am suffering alone.
I accepted your apologies because I do believe you are sorry, I just wish that you would suffer with me knowing that I am empty and hollow because of you. That you extinguished the flame that used to burn bright inside of me.
The worst part is that I know you see it gone. That fire. I know you see that I am different and I know you can see my heart torn through my chest and you continue to live life untouched.
Maybe this is selfish of me. Maybe it is selfish to wish you felt more hurt for doing this to me, I wish you felt a fraction of my pain. I wish you were more empathetic. I wish you were making more of an effort to fix what you broke, but that’s all that this is.
This is me wishing for something that won’t happen. This is me being helpless and vulnerable, but hopeful. Most of all, I wish you loved me enough to not make the same mistake twice.