You Left And Now I’m Stronger Than Ever

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Becca Tarter / Unsplash

I remember being so fragile. I was glass and you were pebbles and you shattered me. My heart had caved in and my ribs cracked into a million pieces. My heart raced at alarming rates whenever memories of you surfaced my brain which was every two minutes.

My pillow knew tears like an accountant knows numbers. My pillow knew my sobs like a writer knows metaphors. I was heartbroken and it felt a million times worse than I had ever imagined it.

I was weak in so many ways: physically, emotionally and, if I’m being completely honest, I will never stop loving you.

You were my life, my breath, my light, my everything and now you’re gone and it’s like the world is blank. There are no blue skies, only dark clouds and there are no flowers, only weeds. I never knew that pain this painful existed and I wouldn’t have wished it upon my worst enemy.

Sometimes, at night, before bed, I still feel tinges of hurt and I’m not entirely convinced that they will ever go away but know that I will ignore them and convince myself that the small constant pangs of pain are normal and that I do not miss you.

Friends and family told me that I needed to be strong and told me I had to get back on the high horse and move on, but it was never that easy.

I knew the second you left that I would hold on to your memory and the pain now associated with it for a long time and I was right.

People oftentimes make being strong sound so easy when it is, indeed, one of those things easier said than done. 

It was easy to love you and it was easy to let you in, but you were hard to let go of and to forget about. The process of extracting you from my heart was an impossible thing. 

There are still remnants of you polluting my heart in the most unhealthy of ways, but I have done what I could when it comes to self-healing. I found the strength to make it to this point and for that, I am proud of myself.

Anyone can fall in love, but it takes a certain person to move on from it and heal from it and that certain person has to be strong and willingly open to throwing away every memory, every smell, every piece of that time.

I was never really strong or brave, but the feeling of having my heart gutted was too painful to continue on weak and vulnerable. 

I thank you for breaking my heart in the most careless of ways because it taught me that I can overcome anything. I can overcome anyone who tells me I can’t or anyone that tells me that I won’t be successful and I can overcome the pain you had inflicted on me so recklessly.

I thank you for unknowingly giving me independence and willpower and I hope you never think of me like I don’t allow myself to think of you. TC mark

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