You Held Me Back And I Regret You

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Philip Martin / Unsplash

You held me down like an anchor does a boat and I wish you would’ve let me float away. I don’t think I’ve ever taken part in anything as toxic as our relationship was.

It all happened subtly and that’s how I got sucked in. Before I knew it, you were telling me I couldn’t wear leggings to the gym and that I couldn’t go do grocery shopping without you and thinking about it now, I am disgusted.

I had so many doubt about us sometimes, but you made me laugh just as much as you made me cry and that’s the only reason I stuck around for so long.

You loved me just as much as you hurt me and I didn’t realize that love isn’t supposed to be that hard.

You kept me hidden away from my family and friends as much as you possibly could and I was stupid not to realize that you were the world’s most selfish man. 

I now want to know who broke you. Who broke your heart and turned you into the monster I loved. In return, you only hurt yourself because I was relieved to no longer be in a relationship with someone that controlling. I was hurt, but in a bittersweet way because I now had all this freedom I hadn’t felt in months.

It took me leaving to realize how awful our relationship was. I was asking your permission to do things as if I was 12-years-old and not 20. You belittled me and I let you.

I regret that I ever let you treat me that way.

Now you’re just a story. You’re who I reference when I say, “I was in a horrible relationship a few months ago” and there is no else to blame but yourself.

I hope me leaving taught you something. I hope it took me leaving your apartment and taking my things to make you realize that you can’t do that and if you haven’t learned anything, good luck with your next relationship. I really do wish you the best.

I regret you because I loved you so much and now I can’t remember why I did.

I hope, one day, that you either find someone who is okay with the way you demand them or that you change and find someone who makes you insanely happy.  TC mark

To love yourself should be no quiet affair, but a loud uprising.

“Never forget,
you are more powerful
than you are damaged
and you will rise
from any abyss
they drown you in.”

— Nikita Gill, Your Heart Is The Sea

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