I don’t think there’s anything worse than loving someone with every fiber of your body and it not being reciprocated. It’s the heaviest feeling in your chest. It’s dedicating your heart to someone in the most intimate way and them not feeling the same.
Disappointment. It’s this overwhelming feeling of it. This feeling that my effort wasn’t good enough. We talked and I guess, in my mind, I had got this crazy idea that maybe you felt the same. The way you threw your head back at my jokes and the way you looked deep into my eyes silently. I thought those were good signs.
I ended up absolutely heartbroken and I don’t blame you. It’s not your fault. I am the one who thought we had more than we did and I’m kicking myself in the ass for it.
I was so head over heels for you. Hell, I still am. The way you joked about the funniest things, the way you always were there for me whenever I needed you. You were the perfect friend to me and I was lucky to have you either way.
I got my hopes up and that isn’t something new. I am always hopeful and I always have such high expectations. I love you and the sound of your voice still fills my heart up the way it always has.
Now, the love I feel for you is hollow and I feel so empty. I’m almost starting to think I got my daydreams and reality confused because I never thought this would’ve been how it all ended.
I thought we were perfect and the feeling of not being loved back by you is eating my stomach. The pain is so present and alive in me that I can’t think of anything else but you.
I’m sitting here and all the memories of us are tainted and ruined because I know what I was thinking in those moments. Every thought I had about you was wrong and I am embarrassed thinking back on it.
I hope you find someone that you love the way I loved you and that loves you in return. I truly do and I hope you don’t feel bad about not feeling the same way because it was never your fault.