I know at first hand how it is to be in love with someone you don’t trust and I don’t think there is any worse feeling. It’s this constant feeling of nervous butterflies and this never-ending feeling of being on the verge of tears.
He would go out and I would be at home on my bed thinking of a million different things he could be doing other than what he said he was. I worried and I cried and I hated it, but him, I loved.
It was the biggest, energy consuming, sad cycle. He would go out, I would tell him to behave himself and he would get mad at me only for me to, sometimes, find out that my feelings were right and this went on day after day after day. I was emotionally exhausted.
It took months for me to finally admit that love wasn’t supposed to be like this. That love wasn’t supposed to be this painful. I had gotten so used to feeling my heart in my stomach and tears on my cheek.
Love cannot exist where there is no trust. You cannot be in a healthy relationship with someone you cannot depend on, on someone who constantly makes you worry every time you’re not with them.
You’ll spend your days more sad than happy. You’ll spend every second wishing things could be different. Love is many things. Love is difficult and complicated and confusing, but love isn’t torturous and it isn’t supposed to be that painful.
Love needs trust to thrive and breath like plants need air and the beach needs sun. Trust is a necessity. No and’s, if’s or but’s.
In the words of Frank Ocean: “‘I Trust you’ is better than ‘I love you because you may not always trust the person you love but you can always love the people you trust.”