I Was Just Your Collateral Damage

Woman with long hair and sweater at a high altitude looking down during sunset in Route du Volcan
Yoann Boyer / Unsplash

I was nothing more than the product of your need to self destruct. You wanted nothing more than to be away from the world and what made you think I could help you is beyond me because I ended up just as hurt as you were and I don’t know how to feel about that.

I tried to be the solution to your past and to your troubles. I tried to pull you out of that dark hole and I ended up falling in because you were too heavy, but I did try. I tried my hardest because I truly believed that I was what you needed.

You hid from your problems by drinking your way to the world of spinning ceilings and throwing up. You smoked your way up above the clouds and overstayed your visit.

You are nothing more than the problem I could’ve never fixed, but I loved you and I was there for you and you knew that. Instead, you chose to self destruct and not care if I was getting dragged down in the mess of it all.

To be honest, I partly blame myself for sticking around. I had so much faith and I really thought I could help you resolve everything. I let you talk to me whatever way you wanted, I cleaned the bathroom after you threw up all over the place, I tucked you into bed with I love you’s and kisses and what I got was nothing but this endless cycle of disrespect and empty promises.

Not everyone has someone to help them and be there for them the way I was for you. You were one of the lucky ones and now I am nothing more than collateral damage. You took me for granted and I can’t imagine how it’ll be now that I am gone, but I hope the light finds you the way you need it to. TC mark

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