This Is The Ultimate Hangover Cure

Twenty20 / priyanka.goel.35
Twenty20 / priyanka.goel.35

“Because I’m a recovering alcoholic,” is what I want to say every time an obnoxious person continually asks why I am not drinking. (Side note: what if I actually was? You people that ask these things are so oblivious to the struggles other people go through that really, you could be hitting someone hard without even knowing it. Thankfully, I am not.) Don’t get me wrong, I’m not some Prohibitionist, nor am I anti-drug, anti-everything – you’re entitled to do whatever the F you want to do. And so am I. Not drinking happens to be exactly what I want to do (usually).

So what’s the real reason? I just don’t WANT to.

Is that not good enough for you? Here are more “legitimate” reasons:

1. Empty calories!

It takes like, 5-6 drinks to really feel a buzz (I mean, really,what’s the point of drinking if you’re not going to feel it)? That’s a MINIMUM of about 450 calories – that’s talking 5 SMALL shots of straight vodka, not even mixing. (Remember in middle school health class – they taught you that protein and carbs have 4 calories per gram, fat 9, and alcohol 7?)

2. Calories that can be spent on something else.

Those 5 shots = 1 slice of pizza. 2 candy bars. Half a pint of Ben & Jerry’s. Do I need to continue? I prefer food over liquor, any day.

3. Sorry, I have spin class in the morning.

If you drink, you definitely aren’t making it to that sunrise yoga class or that 9am spin class (and if you do, you’re risking heart failure). My body and personal wellness is incredibly important to me, and alcohol seriously gets in the way of proper maintenance.

4. Been there, done that.

I probably drank more in one weekend of high school parties than I do in one year now. I was literally done drinking by college, and I’m thankful for it, because I wasn’t one of “those girls” always stumbling out as the club closed. Not to say that there’s anything wrong with it – if it’s your cup of tea (or vodka), do your thing.

5. Thanks for the memories.

Not to be a total a-hole, but all that stupid sh*t your friends (and people you don’t even know) do? You get to laugh about it, because you witnessed it, totally sober, and you totally remember it.

6. No regrets!

Sober, there is very, VERY little chance you’re going to make any decisions you regret.

7. Safe driving.

Ugh this is SO important. Thankfully due to Uber/Lyft/etc, drunk driving has been reduced, but that doesn’t abolish it. When you’re sober, you know your safety is in YOUR hands, and there is no better feeling.

8. I can have a good time without it!

This is the most important one! I understand it’s a social lubricant, and I’m not saying I have an insane amount of self-confidence (I don’t. trust me, I do not.) But I’m comfortable enough in my own skin to know that I can talk, laugh, dance, et cetera, without needing to be under the influence of anything.

That being said, sometimes the occasion calls for tying one on. Don’t be silly, drink your 24oz of water before bed, and wake up and have 2 frozen bananas (or 1 banana and ½ cup ice if you don’t have them frozen) and 1 can/box of coconut water blended. It’s soothing, and has more electrolytes/potassium than any bottle of Gatorade, then pop 2 Excedrin. You’ll be good within an hour. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Miami based lunatic masquerading as a young professional that has her sh*t together.

More From Thought Catalog