Midseason NFL Power Rankings (In Haiku Form)

Like many other sports writers, I have ranked all 32 teams in the NFL at the midpoint of the season. Unlike any of them, I have written a haiku to sum up each team’s season. I think it’s the most effective way.

Let’s get started.

32. Oakland Raiders

No playoffs forever

This year is no different

Will they win one game?

31. New York Jets

When Michael Vick is

Your team’s best shot at winning

You must really suck

30. Jacksonville Jaguars

Congrats Jaguars fans!

You actually won a game!

Who saw that coming?

29. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Remind me again

How in the hell Tampa Bay

Won that game in Pitt?

28. Tennessee Titans

When your quarterback

Loves taking selfies, he is

Not the right answer

27. Atlanta Falcons

Do you remember

When the Falcons were scary?

Matt Ryan does not.

26. Minnesota Vikings

At least the Vikings

Can beat other teams that are

Really terrible.

25. St. Louis Rams

They beat the Seahawks

So maybe the Rams have one

happy memory.

24. Chicago Bears

Is there any team

That should be trusted less than

The Chicago Bears?

23. Washington Redskins

Who knew that the ‘Skins

Best quarterback was a guy

The BROWNS didn’t want.

22. Cleveland Browns

Who cares what you’ve done?

When you lose to Jacksonville

You can’t be that good.

21. New York Giants

Does anyone know

Whether this football team is

Good or terrible?

20. Carolina Panthers

The Panthers also

Could be good or really bad.

Only time will tell.

19. Houston Texans

Is there any man

On this planet who could stop

J.J. Freaking Watt?

18. Miami Dolphins

Ryan Tannehill

Has not convinced me that he

Is slightly decent.

17 – New Orleans Saints

The Saints will be fine

Because nobody wants to

Win this division.

16. Buffalo Bills

Sammy Watkins might

Give Bills fans some shred of hope

For one time ever.

15 – Baltimore Ravens

With Ray Rice shipped out

Justin Forsett has become

Shockingly decent.

14. Kansas City Chiefs

The Chiefs are good, but

They must hope for a Wild Card

To make the Playoffs.

13. Pittsburgh Steelers

Ben Roethlisberger

Is simply not going to

Replicate that game.

12. Cincinnati Bengals

They’ve looked really good

They’ve looked incredibly bad

Who are the Bengals?

11. San Francisco 49ers

Do you remember

When San Francisco had a

Defense worth fearing?

10. Seattle Seahawks

Is anyone scared

Of the Seahawks at this point?

Too much dysfunction.

9. San Diego Chargers

The Chargers have lots

Of injuries that might be

Catching up to them.

8. Green Bay Packers

That loss to the Saints

Was rough, but Aaron Rodgers

Will fix everything.

7. Indianapolis Colts

So much for the Colts

Defense being really good

But Luck is still Luck.

6. Detroit Lions

This is probably

Far too high for a team that

just played like they did.

5 – New England Patriots

Does beating Cincy

And a godawful Bears team

Count as good these days?

4. Philadelphia Eagles

The Eagles have lost

Two games by a total of

Just nine points combined.

3. Dallas Cowboys

If Romo is fine

The Cowboys are still likely

To keep impressing.

2. Arizona Cardinals

Nobody saw the

Cardinals being this good

But they keep winning.

1. Denver Broncos

Peyton Manning. Pey-

-Ton Manning. Peyton Manning.

Peyton Manning. Yeah. TC mark

This post originally appeared at Writtalin.

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