Some of the time, people fall for somebody the very first time they see them. The following interactions determine whether they acknowledge the feeling or not. For others, love is silent. It is not the first hi and hello. Love does not happen the very first time they share a laughter, but rather it happens differently, silently, but too late to realize they have already buried themselves too deep to even rise above it.
Love for others come as a surprise. A person who used to be just an ordinary face suddenly becomes the only face you wish you see first thing in the morning. At first, one starts to question how the feeling even surfaced in the first place. How a friend suddenly turned into someone so special, or how, one day, a person suddenly becomes part of the future that you envisioned.
You are every bit of a surprise to me. I am pretty sure love was never present during our first “hi and hello”.
It was silent, and I never saw it coming until the waves came crashing without any hint of halt. It was like a blank canvass splashed with colors for the very first time after it has been ignored by the painter for years.
It’s crazy how our conversations somehow changed parts of me, and suddenly I enjoy the things you do. How I think of you when I see something funny or amazing. How I read a stupid meme over the internet and think of what your reaction will be. How I talk to someone, laugh with them, and think of you because I know you will laugh at the crazy joke, too.
It is funny how I suddenly appreciate every bit of Kanye. How I respect and admire the artist because he was our topic for weeks, and you tried desperately to explain to me the genius that he is. And every single time I would go to the mall, I would secretly count the numbers of cameras set and smile at one of them. I also think of you when I eat something new and wonder if you can pull it off in your kitchen because you pride yourself so much at being such a good cook. Whenever I read a really good poem, I think of you and get excited to let your read it.
You see, slowly you have been a part of me.
I woke up one day and my first thought was you, and that was the very day I realized that I am in love with you, and it was too late to even fight it because I have already fallen way too deep. The symptoms came in too late for me to find a cure.
You are my kind of love that came as a surprise. You will never know, because, somehow, I never wanted to change the kind of friendship that we have. You will never know because a part of me has accepted the fact that while my feelings have suddenly shifted, yours never did, and that is okay.
The thing is, this love that I am feeling right now for you does not need to be reciprocated. I love you even when you do not know and you do not feel the same way because being with you is enough. I can stay in this feeling and keep the silence because it is true, they say, that you can love someone from a far and be completely okay with that.
It is odd and equally funny how the universe decides that you meet someone and think “Oh, no harm”, but then you wake up, one groggy morning, and realize you are no longer the same. And even when my feelings have changed, I still want the same us to stay this way.