RomanceNarcissism

Read This After Falling In Love With A Narcissist

You know the type, charming, alluring, can melt your cold ass heart with their seductive words and sincere faces? They come into your life with what they think are sincere intentions but in reality, their needs and desires will trump and outweigh any long term effects their deception may have caused at their hands. Good intentions pave the way to hell and I honestly believe that human beings will inherently choose to do what’s in their best interests regardless of who is hurt in the process. I’m not saying that all people have intentions to inflict pain, but I believe pain is inevitable while people are being people, but how we handle and process that pain is the real test of will.

How does one process the painful ramifications of the fallout of the lies from a sweet liar? It’s almost easier to deal with an outright asshole because they never hid their deception. At least assholes are wolves from the beginning and you have a choice to lay with a hungry wolf, who you know will rip your heart and emotions to shreds. Also, with an asshole who is honest, you’ll never have to guess what’s coming, it’ll be in your face and you can make a conscious choice to tackle the situation or not.

However when you have someone who says and does all the things you wanted, feels too good to be true, but time passes and things seem like perfection, you convince yourself that you’ve arrived at the precipice of true love. You have finally let your guard down, allowed your walls to crumble and you stand naked before the person with whom you’ve entrusted your most painful, hurtful and darkest secrets. You’re not dumb enough to believe that any of that shit is perfect BUT you know that a working partnership is absolutely possible. It’s more than a possibility, it is real. You and your sweet partner are the standard, the evidence of a beautiful partnership being possible after so many failed attempts. Life is good.

That’s until you begin to feel the alarms in your brain and your spirit going off. The words are coming through, but the actions are starting to look a bit suspect. You, by yourself, are coming to terms with a breakup that is coming, BUT you’re still not willing to admit it out loud. However, the torture is being inflicted upon you every day, you cry while walking in the cold on the way to the bus stop, your concentration is non-existent because you’re thinking of ways to salvage your heart from an impossible situation.

You can’t explain what’s wrong, but you can feel that everything is wrong, different and falling apart, but the sweet liar will not admit to it. They will say everything is okay, but they may just under pressure and they aren’t sure what’s wrong, but you, sweet, trusting, wonderful darling, have nothing to worry about. You know this lie. It’s a lie you’re familiar with because you tell this lie to yourself when you are avoiding the work of facing the truth that will free you, help you heal and move on. Instead, you succumb to the pleasures of the flesh, the moment right now, and set yourself up to fail because of your unwillingness to face the truth; it is over.

The first time you decide to acknowledge and face the truth out loud and with your partner, it hits like Ali in his prime. A gut punch and another to your temple. Your words feel foreign and your mind is foggy because you’ve believed one truth, knowing it was a delusion and an illusion to avoid the same pain you’re experiencing right now. Feel it, face it, sit with it, be present to the burning tears and the feeling of your heart ripping apart at the seams. This is what happens when YOU refuse to be the HONEST ASSHOLE you need and choose to be the Sweet Liar.

Human beings come with their own set of complexities and coping mechanisms. We also possess an inner alarm system which alerts us to intruders and things that will cause us harm. The irony is that so many times, we fail to see that WE allow ourselves to be robbed, violated and disrespected because of our unwillingness to be honest to a fault. We fail at protecting our own hearts and not because we shouldn’t believe we can be loved, but we neglect to address the things that do not sit right with our spirits. We ignore and explain the red flags when we should have done our due diligence, ask questions and investigate when things feel off. We sell out on due diligence because we love the comfort of our own delusion.

There will always be sweet liars and honest assholes who we will encounter. Each of these individuals, like us, are dealing with finding their way. The path to finding yourself is a messy one and unfortunately, we leave collateral damage along the way. We will fuck up, lie, hide, dodge and do dishonorable things to save ourselves the pain at the moment. However, the pain will always catch up to us. The pain will creep up, grip our necks slowly and will begin to squeeze until we tap out. The karma we create for ourselves will come full circle. No one is exempt. Work on being truthful, first to yourself, and then to others. No one is spared by sweet lies. It is a waste of energy. I dare you to face the music early on, push yourself to the space of discomfort but always be honest. You can’t expect anyone to be responsible for the way you treat yourself. You have the power to create and attract the love you seek. Be healthy in mind, spirit, and body, apply brutally honest tactics with yourself and spare yourself the sweet lies.

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Wild Woman. Carefree Black Girl. Joyfully Audacious. Follow Arihat on Instagram or read more articles from Arihat on Thought Catalog.

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