Nina Simone let us know “you gotta leave the table when love is no longer being served.” This is a powerful lesson in self-love, self-acceptance, owning personal power and believing you are worthy of a love that makes you feel free and like you want to stay forever. When we allow ourselves to be beaten down by someone else’s lack of self-love to fuck with us, all of the situations moving forward start to slowly become infected by the poison of their insecurity. Insecurity is something that ruins relationships just as much as cheating, money issues and anything else that people fight about. An insecure partner is a poisonous partner. There is no nice way to say that.
Insecurity alters your perception of reality. An insecure mind is a dangerous mind because the words that come out of that mouth are rooted not in reality but in the ways they PERCEIVE reality. An insecure mind sees themselves as small, insignificant and unworthy of love or good things. That mindset leads to self-sabotage, self-isolation and an unhealthy and unfair critique of almost all situations. Insecurity, like addiction, starts in the mind, however, physical and emotional ramifications are very present. An insecure spouse will find reasons to nitpick and be angry about, but will also use manipulation and lying to get their way.
I know we can easily find ourselves aligning with the weaker partner in relationship debates. I prefer an objective perspective because no one is fully right or fully wrong 100% of the time. The thing that gets me is when someone who is so incredibly insecure AND isn’t aware that the issue is because of them. Nobody on earth is going to have the patience to be with someone who is insecure all the time. Every person has a breaking point and often the more secure person has to carry an emotional burden. The more stable person has feelings and they constantly have to explain themselves to someone who has no real interest in resolving the issue. The route to healing is personal love and personal power. The joy, the laughter, and all of the warm feelings are due to the practice of self-love. The practice of self-destructing is the same. Daily negative self-talk AND the practice of saying negative things simply adds to the destruction of yourself and in turn your relationship.
No relationship will survive where one person is insecure. It won’t work on any level and there will be an absolute breakdown of anything workable. It’s hard to work through emotions and in a relationship, it can be isolating and even more damaging. I think the only way to beat insecurities is to force yourself to be honest about your self-sabotage. Engage in conversations that promote positivity, live in the moment where you can find a silver lining and if you can’t then try harder. At some point, insecurities can be overcome with practice and proper self-care. However maybe sometimes it’s more than affirmations you’ll need. Maybe medication could be a step for you. Maybe seeking professional support could be for you. However, none of that matters without the thought that you deserve to be happy, you deserve joy and you deserve a world where your happiness is your priority.